How to Feel Like a Train Wreck For Dummies

How to Feel Like a Train Wreck For Dummies

QIC: Tonka

Date: 12.27.2025

PAX: @van.gogh (Murph), @battlebot (Murph), @Hawkeye (Murph), @Ziffel -Zibi Wozniak (Double Down), @Zima (Double Down), @Rubber Ducky (Double Down), @Subfloor, @Zephyr, @Drip (BDay Boy), @Grasshoppa, @Crash, @Head Hunter, @Tonka (Double Down QIC)

I did not plan to write this backblast so soon after the beatdown, but considering the peril my body is in after this morning, this is the only task YHC can muster the strength to accomplish. Sometimes you just want to sit down and complain. I don’t even have the energy to attempt to be funny. Thank you for your supportive indulging of my whine, dear reader.

I was itching to make something a little harder than normal this week at Alcatraz. I believe it was @frostbite who introduced the inexorable Jack Webb at Parliament a while back (1 merkin:4 jack reacher circuit). In searching for the name of this terrible sequence on the exicon, YHC stumbled upon the “Dark Webb” variation. It was so despicable yet so enticing and well packaged. It was too late. I saw what I saw and knew I couldn’t hide from this new knowledge.

To quote the exicon at the end of the Dark Webb description, “This one is fairly brutal, so don’t plan on getting much out of the PAX after it.”

Spoiler: we did not heed that advice.

Knowing this one routine would not fill an entire hour, I plumbed the depths of the CSAUP backblasts and stumbled upon none other than the all-time world hide-and-seek champion himself, The Sasquatch 2020 (F3 ENC). Copped a couple routines from this weinke with a couple tweaks and had a full slate.

Preblast (see: Warning) posted à la Rockin Around the Christmas Tree:

Blocking around the prison yard wishing Tonka’s mouth would stop
tire flips, sprints and pullups teach
PAX there’s no escaping “The Rock”
Blocking around the prison yard asking “when does that end bell ring?”
PAX will all sit there pondering
who the Q is punishing

You will get a really painful feeling when you hear
Tonka screaming, “drop – do burpees,
planks, merkins, and blairs of bonnies”

Train wreck incoming.

WRM

Mostly normal – some legs, some arms, some stretchy stretch then…

SUPERMAN ARM SWIRLY – try this – you’re welcome

Follow me to the blocks. Circle up on the grass.

THANG 1 – DARK WEBB

Format: Two Superset Exercises. Reps on 1:2 ratio. Start with 1X & 2X. Continue to 10X & 20X. Move to next set.

THANG 2 – BLOCKIVATOR

Format: Motivator count. 10X Reps of each exercise down the list. Then 9X. Then 8, 7, 6, 5…to 1.

1. BLOCK PUMP (Gas pump w/ block)
2. CHEST PRESS
3. SKULL CRUSHER (Horizontal)
4. BENT ROW
5. GOBLET SQUAT
6. PULLUPS

THANG 3 – PLANKWICH

Format: Descend the weinke together. PAX were instructed to count each drop during the planks.

1. 1MIN LOW PLANK
2. 10X MERKINS
3. 15X SQURLS (Squat to curl)
4. 30X FLUTTERS
5. 15X THRUSTERS
6. 10X MERKINS
7. 1MIN HIGH PLANK

Drops during the planks: 7

5X BURPEES PER DROP: 35X

TIME

COT

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Zephyr Q 12/30 @ High Life

Tonka Q 12/28 @ CWTR – Bethania Trails

Subfloor Q 12/30 @ Parliament

DQQ 1/3 @ Alcatraz to kick off the new year

PRAYER REQUESTS

None spoken

YHC took us out thanking the Lord for F3, the men around me, and the opportunity to push each other hard and share each others burdens.

NMM

@zima was on one this morning. Put YHC to a race at the end of the Murph (spoiler – YHC lost) then was the only PAX diabolical enough to make this workout even harder. “Feet in the air”, “Blocks over your head”, “Why would you not use a block for American Hammers?” were all shouted above the groaning. The harder it is, the harder he goes.
@subfloor was insistent on counting number of block drops for the burpee reps at the end. His appetite for pain at a workout is a threat to humanity. Sneak peak to Tuesday: the vest is coming off…(?)
@zephyr made a splash at a rare Saturday beatdown for the Wind from the West. Before launch, YHC apologized for the low running nature of the work and confided that either this plan would be easy and everyone demoralizes me, or way too hard. He said the latter was likely the case as a big smile crossed his face. Fear is foreign to this man. He doesn’t wake up for easy.
@drip (BDay Boy) did you know drip has a beanie hat with his name “Drip” affixed? @adobe, I know what our next gear collab will be. The birthday boy brought joy in the valley of pain. Hope it’s a good one. You’re much loved.
@grasshoppa stayed out front. I mean way out front. He could not be stopped or slowed. Did extra reps in each round to avoid boredom. I’ll have what he’s having. Real good to see you back out in the gloom!
@crash made no complaints and I only wish I could say the same about some others (for example: everyone else). He brought a consistent positive energy this morning and got after it as he always does.
@rubber ducky was the music Q and kept the PAX in peak performance with the EDM flow state. The man had a twinkle in his eye with the muddy gloom brought on with the misty morning and cruised through the Plankwich ahead of the field.
@head hunter has his mobile sauna routine down. To work as hard as this man does under heavy layers is staggering. He was all smiles through the pain cave and lifted the spirits of the PAX.
@ziffel was determined to finish each rep, each round, each thang. Ignoring the Q’s call to recover multiple times. Strong work, my friend.
@van.gogh and @battlebot crushed the Murph and created the piggyback merkin. @ziffel has the demonstration for those interested in incorporating into their next beatdown. Basic description: One partner performs merkin. Other partner sits on the others back. Both get smoked.
@Hawkeye is ever ready with the latest stats and figures of the health and wellness industry. Our resident statistician and physician will never leave the PAX in naive ignorance.

Subfloor, I’ll exchange our keys at Parliament this week…if you make the vest come off.

This was hard. Thank you fellas for the push and letting me lead.

Tonka