BLOWBACK – Marchliament Madness Week 1

BLOWBACK – Marchliament Madness Week 1

QIC: Rollback vs Zephyr

Date: 03.03.2026

PAX: @Zesty @Head Hunter @Subfloor @Wahoo @ziggy stardust @Drama Queen @Truck bed @van.gogh @Slowpitch @Boomerang @Superfly @Blind Date @cruiser @Adobe @Tonka @Rollback @Zephyr

ARE YOU READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE????!!!!!!

YHC has been racking his brain lately for some fun competitive alterations to our every day beatdown. Enter: SWT podcast ep. 23 QvQ challenge

This was a no brainer and with enough concentrated force at the WeFoCo and Central Dash, we even had a budding rivalry at the ready. Quick DM to some fine, upstanding siteQs, itching to represent their AO and the domain from which they hail, and the stage was set. Marchliament Madness would determine who is the biggest, baddest Q in DashPAXland and give him the chance to raise the banner whence he came.

THE FIELD:

3/3 – BLOWBACK – @Zephyr  vs @Rollback
3/10 – CASE OF THE MONDAYS – @cruiser  vs @Tammy
3/17 – WARDEN WARGAMES – @Subfloor vs @van.gogh
3/24 – BLIND, BEANS, BATTLESTAR GALACTICA – @FrankandBeans vs @Blind Date
3/31 – FINALE – @Rollback et. al.

THE FORMAT

• ~5min Intro/WRM from YHC
• 2 Qs split remaining time alternating turns in 10min increments to lay the hammer
• PAX in attendance vote to determine the winner at conclusion of the beatdown via 3 voting categories: Creativity, Suck, Delivery/Execution
• Winner advances to Championship Round

• 4 winners from 1v1 rounds face off
• Same voting format to crown the overall winner the Biggest Baddest Q in all of DashPAXlandia

ROUND 1: BLOWBACK – @Zephyr  vs @Rollback

The day starts early. @Head Hunter saw a vacant EC Murph Q slot for the whole month of March and jumped on it. EH’d YHC and @van.gogh and before I knew it, YHC was standing in the pouring rain next to two studs looking down the barrel of a kick in the rear. YHC was dragged through some muddy work by the aforementioned beastly men before arriving back at the parking lot to find a strong EC run club crew awaiting the beatdown under the overhang. There was some MC around why these PAX opted for yogging over the Murph. Reasoning cited was something around pansies and petunias, but I digress. They may need to clarify in the comments.

PAX keep rolling in as the sheets of rain fall. Quite the impressive showing for the rainy 3rd CP beatdown it was. The stormy weather gave many the impression this would be a runaway game for the cyclone, but yet to be seen. Zephyr stayed the storm with a confidence only an Iowa State product can muster. Rollback stalked the grounds getting his mind right and polishing his Walmart logo christened block. The friends turned competitors create some distance as the moment approaches. YHC pulls the PAX out into the rain for a quick WRM/TED Talk on how this THANG was going to work. Let’s begin.

WRM

YHC was strategically (it seems) given very ambiguous instructions on how to limber up the boys this am. Something about “just give them a good whole body warm up” and “wouldn’t you like to know what we’ve got planned” were the general sentiment.

SSH

AV

WHIRLY

STRETCHY

MERKINS

IST

THANG 1 – ROLLBACK

Before YHC had to say a word, Rollback was on the slowsy to the starting line of the parking lot with command. Barking orders and saying horrible things that no one was ready to hear. YHC’s involuntary shudder reflex was triggered at least twice at things like “Cocaine Bear Crawls” and “Burpee Broad Jumps”. A few velcro strands were heard snip, crack, popping as I tremored.

10MIN AMRAP

• BURPEE BROAD JUMP 5 PARKING SPACES –> COCAINE CRAWLBEAR W/ DRY DOCK EACH LINE BACK TO START
• 10X BLOCKEES W/ JUMP
• BEAR CRAWL BLOCK PUSH 5 PARKING SPACES –> REVERSE MURDER BUNNY BACK TO START
• 25X NARROW INCLINE MERKINS ON BLOCK

Yeah…that sucked.

“*huff* @Zephyr…*wheeze* you go *gasp*”

THANG 2 – @ZEPHYR

BRACKET BUSTER – 10MIN AMRAP

ROUND OF 64 – 64X OH PRESS

ROUND OF 32 – 32X AMERICAN HAMMERS

SWEET 16 – 16X BONNIE BLAIRS

ELITE 8 – 8X THRUSTERS

FINAL 4 – BLOCKEES

CHAMPIONSHIP – CLOCK MERKINS (PLANK WALK AROUND THE CLOCK W/: 1x MERKIN AT 12 O’CLOCK, 3X AT 3 O’CLOCK, 6X AT 6, 9X AT 9, 12X AT 12)

This was no good nasty not a chance I’d do it again zero fun sir. I now can relate to one and done NCAA tournament berths. That round of 64 is a freight train. Midway through the first round of this had YHC wondering what compelled me to invite such torture on myself and the good men of Parliament. Vestectomy eminent but narrowly saved by the buzzer…for the moment.

THANG 3 – @ROLLBACK

10 MIN EMOM – 1 Full minute of work per exercise. No rest.

1. 1X BURPEES
2. 20X SUMO JUMP SQUATS
3. 40X MT CLIMBERS
4. 40X APOLLO OHNOS
5. 60X HIGH KNEES

REPEATO

I don’t even think the vest made it through minute 2 of this. Absolutely brutal. Rollback got some style points for the timely music reveal to kick off this round. “Go Hard” by Lecrae came on and the PAX took the message. Nicely done.

THANG 4 – @Zephyr

10 MIN EMOM – CYCLONE VS. ZEPHYR

Card deck with two categories of exercises is produced. Cyclone cards are upper body block work – Zephyr cards are leg bodyweight exercises.

Zephyr Picks:

1. LUNGES
2. SQUAT HOLD
3. COPPERHEAD SQUAT
4. CALF RAISES

Cyclone Picks:

1. CURL PRESS
2. BLOCK SWING
3. UPRIGHT ROW
4. BLOCKEES

He hit us with another BLOCKEES round to finish us off before…

TIME

MARY

none.

COT

YHC missed the ANNOUNCEMENTS and PRAYER REQUESTS, but @Adobe pinch hit whilst @Cruiser and YHC did our best “Beautiful Mind” impression and bean counted up the votes and scribbled out calculations on the chalkboard to declare a winner.

THE RESULTS

Division ScoreCard

WeFoCo – 0  |  DashCentral – 1

NMM

@Zesty was a sight for sore eyes at Parliament. Papa Spice is always an encouragement. His HOA will be glad he kept the roughhousing to a minimum.
@Head Hunter spear headed an EC murph and it felt like a spear through the head. Rain in torrents and no quit. He also might have made a case for Apollo Ohno’s to be renamed Head Hunters. Electric.
@Subfloor invented the Tiptoe through the Tulips (aka calf raise moonwalk) mode of transportation this am.
@Wahoo has finally experienced a workout that challenged him. It took 3 Qs to make this man sweat.
@ziggy stardust has acquired a lovely goat to manage his landscaping needs after one too many past run-ins with the lawn guy.
@Drama Queen was a little confused on the voting system. “Bean in a cup” can quickly turn into “pee in a cup” during a game of telephone. Some ballots could not be recovered. May explain why the tally doesn’t quite add to 17?
@Truck bed is a tank and could do some damage in an all out brawl. I aim to stay on his good side.
@van.gogh and @BattleBot had a debate on whether a murph or homework is harder. I would chose the murph personally.
@Slowpitch aka coupon Q has cinderblocks on deck. Or did. His blocks may or may not have been absorbed into the Parliament treasury. The crown appreciates your generosity.
@Boomerang aka Cream Q has invested in sustainability efforts by milking his cat prebeatdown to bring the PAX farm fresh cream for their coffee. #Kindness
@Superfly was robbed of his Zephyr card selection by YHC. Many apologies. I was in and out of consciousness by this point.
@Blind Date may appear blind folded to his Marchliament Madness appearance. Stay tuned.
@cruiser will be returning to Parliament today to check for the magic beanstalk from our discarded “ballots”.
@Adobe was the backbone of the operation. Q’d COT, recorded the ceremony, posted the bb on slack and donated his truck to yours truly!! With all the use I get out of his tailgate, it just made sense to make it official.
@Tonka’s vestectomys have one thing in common: cocaine bearcrawls (@nelly ahem). I sense there is going to be an increase of a certain exercise moving forward in this tournament.
@Rollback was so busy kicking arse he didn’t even realize a vestectomy had occurred. He lightly shrugged the accomplishment.
@Zephyr bracket buster round of 64 is still killing my shoulders. The tourney theme pulled.

VIDEO BACKBLAST

IMG_7717

This was awesome. Thank you to @Rollback and @Zephyr for showing up and showing out. Y’all kicked off the tournament with a bang and a killer of a beatdown. The blowback from the explosion that was this beatdown has left me deadbeat and likely concussed.

Tomorrow, we have “A CASE OF THE MONDAYS” where @Cruiser and @Tammy show down to fight for supremacy of the Monday morning time slot. Come out and support our guys!

Grateful for you men,

Tonka