Ironic

Ironic

QIC: Hansel

Date: 2/9/23

PAX: H.O.G., Cruiser, Van Gogh, Cheesesteak, Turnover, Litter Box, Gretel.

For YHC it’s a privilege and honor to lead such a fine group of men. When designing a beatdown YHC puts ample thought into meticulous planning and preparation. Rehearsing the mission statement, charging and testing the Bose speaker, even skimming through the Alanis Morissette playlist on Spotify in order to set the desired mood. With such dedication and effort, surely everything would go as planned. Ironically, what was suppose to start off as a smooth and easy going bootcamp started rough and full of mishaps. Fittingly, the first song to not play on the Bose speaker was Ironic by Alanis Morissette.

As Valentines Day approaches, clearly the theme was about relationships and reminiscing on past breakups specifically during our formative years. The playlist was pirated by YHC from his high school “sweethearts” iPod mini. In fact, she was the inspiration behind the workout as well as years of therapy. According to my Psychologist, the lifecycle of a bad relationship starts with the Honeymoon Period then Tension builds and finally ends Explosively. It was this model that provided the premise behind the design…

WARMARAMA

SSHs 10x, Imperial Walkers 10x, Abe Vigodas 6x, Whirly w/clap 10x, Michael Phelps 10x.

THE THANG

The layout was simple. Four cones were setup on the perimeter of the parking lot as a big square. One cone was placed approximately in the middle.

Start in the middle and run to Station 1, then back to middle, then to Station 2, back to middle and so on. At each Station complete the exercises listed. Each Station was designed to build upon each other and get progressively harder.

MIDDLE STATION (4x each round)
2 BURPEES 

(Double Burpee count each round, so RD 4 would be 16 burpees)

STATION 1 

RD 1 – HAND RELEASE MERKINS 10X

RD 2 – ADD CLAP MERKINS 10X

RD 3 – ADD TOE TOUCH MERKINS 10X

RD 4 – ADD MIKE TYSON 10X

STATION 2

RD 1 – SHOULDER TAPS 15X (Double Count)

RD 2 – ADD MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS 15X (Double Count)

RD 3 – ADD PARKER PETERS? 15X (Double Count)

RD 4 – ADD SIDE RAISES 15X (15 each side)

STATION 3

RD 1 – MONKEY HUMPERS 20X

RD 2 – ADD BONNY BLAIR 20X (Single Count)

RD 3 – ADD SURFING SQUATS? 20x

RD 4 – ADD JUMP SQUATS 20X

STATION 4

RD 1 – LBCs 25X

RD 2 – ADD FREDDY MERCS 25X

RD 3 – ADD HEELS TO HEAVEN 25X

RD 4 – ADD SUPERMAN 25X

That’s it!

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Blood Drive 2/18

PRAYER REQUESTS

Pray for peace for Turnovers Grandmother as well as strength for family members during this difficult time.

Pray for Van Goghs family as his wife’s grandparents are suffering with debilitating illness.

Pray for Green Acres

Pray for my wife’s aunts who are both going through chemotherapy.

NMM

After a glorious night sleep, a gentle wake up just before the alarm, quick glance at the perfect weather report, printed beatdown notes, folded outfit scented with Downy odor defense febreeze, playlist, speaker, and cones ready to go, it’s needless to say this was an idyllic start to the day.

Gretel right on time at 5:05am on the dot, I greet him with an unusually chipper “good morning,” he says good morning, but the precariousness of his countenance sends a mixed message.

In hindsight, it was that moment when Mr. Murphy tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, “what can go wrong will go wrong.”

Cue the music…. ahem… cue music… Nope, the love/hate relationship with that Bose speaker is otherworldly. Similar to past failed relationships, I just can’t turn it on. No worries, I’ll blast the Shania Twain from the Highlanders speakers and we will be no worse for wear.

The mission of F3 is… blankety blank blank. The 5 core principles… not happening. Gladly, YHC allowed fellow PAX to interject and alleviate some juvenile awkwardness. I was Free Fallin’ by Tom Petty, even before the song started.

Respite was found once the SSHs began. Without further ado, let the WIB begin.

For YHC it was the first Station of Rd2 where one could feel this relationship start to sour. The design was intended to represent one bad relationship, but Van Gogh clearly was thinking about various past relationships.

The spontaneous pickle pounders at Station 2 made YHC believe Van Goghs past relationships weren’t actually so bad. Another realization was, unlike YHC, he actually had more than one previous relationship. He said, “That don’t impress me much” on cue at Station 3 which didn’t meet the quality standards of a man like Van Gogh. It must be nice to have standards.

It’s pure speculation and a bit of storytelling, but what would you think when a fellow PAX makes a comment about being on his knees in the middle of a poorly lit parking lot. All I can say is… Cruiser, you’d love San Francisco.

Eveybody loves Cheesesteaks so naturally YHC believes it to be highly unlikely and actually counterintuitive to think that any of Cheesesteaks relationships ended poorly. Moreover, his form is perfect, which lends one to believe this can be translated to other useful skills, if you know what I mean. He’s got one lucky lady.

Turnover just about turned around and left when he was misinformed about the doubling of burpees every time the Middle Station was reached. If that was the case the last Burpee count would’ve been 4,096. While YHC believes Turnover could pull off that impressive feat (he’s in amazing shape), YHC is certain that he would not be invited back to any F3 sanctioned workouts, a breakup YHC couldn’t bear.

Litterbox computed in his head and was quick to defend QIC. I believe he said, “I don’t think he would have us do 8190 total burpees.” That’s not verbatim, but we all know he did the calculation in his head. All morning he was thinking about something, most likely super string theory, and appeared to be unchallenged by the beatdown. Go ahead and do the 8190 burpee challenge next time.

Another PAX that seemed unchallenged was H.O.G. If you need a date for Valentines Day, just let Cruiser know. You’re a stud!

Unfortunately, Hansel and Gretel split up! With all the blood, sweat, and tears shed this morning, in combination with “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for,” by U2 playing in the background, it was a clear sign that this wasn’t going to work out. With that, The Thang ended like it began, a spiteful precarity on the countenance of one Gretel. Just kidding, Gretel was a great sport and YHC is fortunate to have such an awesome neighbor.

Ironically, this meticulously planned beatdown started rough with plenty of mishaps, but ended with a closer bond between brothers and a grateful Q.