Prison Rules

Prison Rules

QIC: Zima

Date: 11/29/18

PAX: Cherry Pie (beast mode), Thistle (ancient), Burns (baby face), Litterbox (not slow), Turnover (lucky), Dr. Toot Canal (too much self-administered novocaine), Van Gogh (ultra on your left), Mutton (robotic), Zima (Q for the day)

Title: Prison Rules

Date: 11/29/18

Q: Zima

PAX: Cherry Pie (beast mode), Thistle (ancient), Burns (baby face), Litterbox (not slow), Turnover (lucky), Dr. Toot Canal (too much self-administered novocaine), Van Gogh (ultra on your left), Mutton (robotic), Zima (Q for the day)

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Introduction.

I have nothing to write here.  Nothing at all. Why are you reading this?

Warm-o-rama.

Peter Parkers, Whirly regained his clap after briefly being cured yesterday at Mayhem, Toy Soldiers, Exaggerated Seal Clap, SSH

* all in absolute perfect cadence

Beatdown.

Station 1: Hand Release Merkins (25) and Heels to Heaven (25)

– “Why are we starting off with 25 HR Merkins???  This will get easier, right?”
– “Yes Cherry Pie, straight legs on the H2H.  Ugh.”
– “This kind of makes me want to run up Buena Vista (a reference to the now legendary series of WIBs that have taken place on the BV hill).  Uh, NO!”

Station 2: Jump Squats (25) and WWIs (25)

– “To be considered a ‘Jump’ Squat, the feet actually need to leave the ground.  No, I’m not exactly sure what exercise you’re doing.”
– “It’s DOCTOR Toot Canal to you!”

Station 3: Burpees (15) and Full Extension Crunches (35)

– “Damn Burpees.  Why always Burpees?”
– “35 Full Extension Crunches!?!?!  Seriously? F U CP for introducing these!”
– Note: The correct form on the aforementioned exercise is up for great interpretation.

Station 4: Prisoner Get Ups (15) and Pickle Pounders (35)

– “Is this the prison-themed station?”
– “Root Canal is very impressed that he can do Prison Get Ups.”
– “35 Pickle Pounders is excessive, but your Ms will thank the Q later.”

Station 5: Hand Release Mike Tysons (25) and Low Flutters (25)

– “Um, how many Mike Tysons?”
– “That might be the worst thing I’ve ever done.”
– “Instead of Hand Release, if you want people to have better form, you might just want to decrease the number of reps.  Duh.”
– “Who knew doing Low Flutters would be like a vacation?”

Station 6: Mountain Climbers (25) and Box Cutters (25)

– “My Boxes look more like sagging O’s.”

Station 7: Farmer’s Carry (50 lb, 40 lb, or 30 lb) and American Hammers (while waiting)

– “Training for the next Green Beret Challenge begins TODAY!”

Out of Time.

Deep Thoughts from the Q:

– I cannot help it if the PAX cannot keep up with my cadence.  Step it up gentlemen. This is the big leagues.
– Burns reminisced about his first F3 workout being a Zima-led beatdown.  Every other PAX questioned his sanity for returning to F3.
– Thistle was super duper helpful post-workout as he carried a small piece of cardboard back to the Q’s truck while two other PAX carried a combined 240 lbs in coupons.  Is that part of the Silver Sneakers weight training regimen?
– Does Mutton ever get tired or sweat?  He just keeps going and going and going at the same steady pace, no matter what.  Machine-like. Almost robotic. Has anyone checked to see if he’s actually an android?  Can we get one of the 1,294 doctors in F3WS to confirm that he’s human.
– And while one of those doctors are on call, can we look into reconnecting Thistle’s mouth to the rest of his body?  How can a man talk so damn much while supposedly working “so hard”? We clearly need to elevate that heart rate.
– The Burn Bootcamp (across from Calvary) might request a restraining order against a few of the creepy PAX who longed to workout inside of the warm gym with the young women.
– I am proposing a name change for our favorite dentist friend – Dr. Toot Canal.  Just trust me on this one. And no, I didn’t make it up.
– Despite having a two month old baby, Turnover was nice and fresh this morning after his 14 hours of sleep last night.  According to him, he doesn’t deserve his wife. There didn’t seem to be any disagreement from the PAX.
– The entire group chose to stay together this morning.  The Farmer’s Carry had the opposite effect that the Q had hypothesized.  I thought the variable weights and American Hammers would create natural breaks in the group, but not so.  The group turned that idea on its head and mostly moved as a herd.
– The group completed about 2.5 laps with a super strong finish on the Burpees!
– Van Gogh was so bored and tired of waiting for everyone, he did an extra lap.  He probably also did 10 extra reps at each station.
– The ever gentile Southern gentleman, Cherry Pie, kept his language towards the Q in check since being in a church parking lot technically counted as being at church.
– There were one or two times where I noticed that Litterbox came from behind to pass me.  I was excited at the prospect that I had somehow gotten ahead of the little guy. But then I realized that he was probably just lapping me AGAIN.

Announcements:

– Beer Run at the West Salem Public House (GPS) tomorrow at 5:30 pm.  Fokker’s tweet.  Van Gogh’s Millennial co-worker, who is “pretty cool”, loves going to the Public House.  That’s a ringing endorsement if I’ve ever heard one.
– December 15: F3/FiA Christmas party and 5 year F3 celebration.  Leave your kids at home. If you didn’t get the email from Bluto, see Van Gogh because your email address is wrong on the website.
– NO IS on Saturday.  Impossible Situation will converge with Purgatory or Dawg Pound because of the Mistletoe race.  Cherry Pie is an HC for Dawg Pound.

Prayers:

– Continue to pray for our devolving country.  Be beacons of light and love and compassion.
– Season of Giving.

Zima out.