Rollback’s New Year’s “Rock”in’ Eve
QIC: Rollback
Date: 12/31/25
PAX: Slow Pitch, subfloor, Zima, Zephyr, van Gogh, drama queen, rollback
As the calendar creaked toward another year older and wiser (debatable), seven PAX gathered in the gloom at Mayhem to ring in the New Year the only way we know how: rocks, burpees, poor decisions, and brotherhood. Yours truly, Rollback, had the Q and made the controversial decision not to wear a weight vest.
This was immediately noticed. More on that later…
Here’s how it went:
Warm up – time wasters!!
Thang 1 – Opener (8-min AMRAP)
- 10 Burpees
- 20 Coupon Goblet Squats
- 30 American Hammers
Rule (Playlist Rule) for round 1: Anytime a new song starts, PAX immediately complete 5 Rockees/blockees OYO
- Rockee / Blockee = Burpee with chosen weight (rock or coupon)
Thang 2 – (12 min)
3 Rounds:
- 20 Coupon Swings
- 15 Hand-Release Derkins
- 10 Burpees
- Cocaine Bear – bear crawl 50 ft and back
Cocaine Bear Rule:
- Bear crawl continuously
- At every white parking line → stop and perform 1 Carolina Dry Dock
Thang 3 – (5 min)
EMOM Structure:
- Every minute: 5 Burpees
- Remaining time: Rock Hold (bear-hug squat)
Optional Upgrade:
- PAX may choose to increase burpees by +2 per minute (7, 9, 11…)
- Entirely optional — choose at start or adjust as needed
Thang 4 – Burpee-cide (8–10 min Ladder)
Cone Ladder:
- Run to 5th cone → 10 Burpees
Back to start → 1 Coupon Thruster - Run to 4th cone → 8 Burpees
Back → 3 Coupon Thrusters - Run to 3rd cone → 6 Burpees
Back → 5 Coupon Thrusters - Run to 2nd cone → 4 Burpees
Back → 7 Coupon Thrusters - Run to 1st cone → 2 Burpees
Back → 9 Coupon Thrusters
Thang 5 – 100-Yard IM (Eve Tribute Finisher).
this set was in honor of my daughter, Eve, aka Cheetah, on New Years EVE, who loves swimming.
- 25 yd Butterfly → 25 Burpees
- 25 yd Backstroke → 25 Dying Cockroaches
- 25 yd Breaststroke → 25 Crunchy Frogs
- 25 yd Freestyle → 25 Jack Reachers
(Hold Superman, alternating forward arm extensions, double count)
Zima and Slow Pitch, however, did not get the memo about the weight vest. Both showed up strapped like tactical refrigerators, and both spent the morning quietly (and not-so-quietly) reevaluating life choices. Zima, in particular, continues his relentless pursuit of manhood via a Napoleon-complex-fueled refusal to ever scale. In a move that can only be described as “unnecessary but impressive,” he even knocked out the 3-mile pre-run in his vest. Absolute beast. We’ll say that once. Any more and his head might grow larger than his short little legs can support.
Subfloor, fresh off a Q at Parliament the day prior—where he allegedly made grown men cry and reportedly rearranged Tonka’s face—looked like a man who had already spent his emotional and physical capital for the week. Yet there he was, grinding through rocks and burpees like a man who knows rest is overrated.
Drama Queen spent much of the workout mumbling variations of “I knew I shouldn’t have come to this workout today”, which, in F3 dialect, loosely translates to “This is terrible and I will absolutely be back.”
Van Gogh, never one to accept reality, repeatedly attempted to break his rock into a smaller, more manageable piece. The rock, unmoved by his artistic vision, refused to budge. Art imitates life.
Zephyr quietly went about the work—steady, unglamorous, and effective—proving once again that consistency beats flair, even when surrounded by idiots with rocks.
The playlist-driven chaos kept PAX honest, as every new song brought Rockies (burpees with weight) whether you liked it or not. Cocaine Bears humbled everyone. Burpee-cide lived up to its name. And somehow, spirits stayed high.
We closed with a 100-yard IM in honor of Rollback’s daughter, Eve. Most PAX swam beautifully… except Zima, who apparently opted to doggy paddle one 25-yard lap, inventing a new stroke that will not be making it into the Olympics.
COT Reflections
As the sweat cooled, we circled up grateful for good health, for a brotherhood that shows up, and for the gift of being able to do hard things together.
Prayers were lifted:
- For $5 Footlong and his family
- For Plunger’s dad, recovering after a stroke
- For Rollback and his wife as they travel to Minnesota for her upcoming surgery
- And for any PAX carrying unseen burdens
We reflected on a strong 2025—a year of miles, rocks, growth, and grace—and looked ahead with hope toward an even better 2026. The invitation stands: bring a friend, bring a guy who’s drifted, bring someone who needs this place. There’s room in the gloom.
The rocks we carried this morning were heavy—and the burdens we carry outside the workout often are too. Those weights don’t magically disappear with a new calendar year. But here’s the gift of this place: we don’t have to carry them alone. Shoulder to shoulder, rock to rock, rep by rep—brotherhood makes heavy things lighter.
Same shovels. Same rocks. Same brotherhood.
Just another year stronger.
SYITG.
