🏒🐻 Backblast – The Spoked B Beatdown 🐻🏒

🏒🐻 Backblast – The Spoked B Beatdown 🐻🏒

QIC: Head Hunter

Date: 2/28/26

PAX: @wobegon, @ziggy stardust (WD), @atrophy - Glen Phares (KOTTERS!), @subfloor (WB), @drano, @drip, and YHC @Head Hunter

YHC decided to honor the greatest sport on earth (in my humble and completely unbiased opinion) — hockey — and my former hometown squad, the legendary Boston Bruins.

7 strong HIMs laced up their imaginary skates:

@wobegon, @ziggy stardust (WD), @atrophy (KOTTERS!), @subfloor (WB), @drano, @drip, and YHC.

No Zamboni. No boards. Just blocks and bad decisions.

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🥅 Warmarama (Stats Don’t Lie)

•    Side Straddle Hops x21 (Bruins Stanley Cup Finals appearances)

•    Imperial Storm Troopers x21 (because consistency matters)

•    Abe Vigoda x6 (Stanley Cup wins)

•    Whirly with a Clap x6 (same reason, more dizziness)

Right away, PAX learned this would be less “figure skating” and more “checking into the boards.”

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⛸ Mosey to Blocks – Penalty Box Edition

We started with 2-minute penalties:

•    1 Wall Sit while passing the block (The Legs feed the Wolves ~Herb Brooks)

•    1 Belly-to-the-wall hold while passing the block

The second evolution quickly turned into a live demonstration of why grown men should not attempt to pass concrete blocks while face-planted up against a wall. We tried!

Whistles blown. Dignity questionable.

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🐻 The Spoked B Gauntlet

Cones were strategically placed to simulate the Bruins’ spoked B logo — 8 glorious points of suffering.

From the center: Bruin Crawl (bear crawl) gliding the block across asphalt to each station and back.

Because hockey players don’t walk… they glide!

The Stations:

1️⃣ 21 Blockees (Finals appearances)

2️⃣ 21 Block Thrusters

3️⃣ 21 with block or 29 without block V-Ups (29 for the amount of straight playoff years by the Boston Bruins)

4️⃣ 21 Alternating Merkins

5️⃣ 65 American Hammers (most wins in an NHL season, Boston Bruins – 2022–23)

6️⃣ 21 Overhead Press

7️⃣ 21 Breakdance Merkins (because hockey players have edge work)

8️⃣ 135 Air Squats (most points in a season, Boston Bruins – 2022–23)

By the time we hit 135 squats, several PAX were reconsidering their favorite sport.

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🏒 Overtime – 3v3 Style

Since playoff hockey means sudden death, we rifle carried blocks around the Spoked B 3 times.

Rule: Drop the block = 2:00 delay of game penalty.

We had 2 penalties.

Apparently concrete is slippery when your arms are noodles.

Before serving penalties, we ran suicides (ladders) x2 because if OT doesn’t settle it, we go to a shootout.

Nobody scored. Everyone lost. No Blocks were harmed in the making of this Q!

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🧱 Plankarama

To close it out:

2 – 2:00 planks

(Penalty minutes must be served.)

Shoulders trembling like a rookie in Game 7.

⸻

Blocks away.

Circle of Trust.

No sticks.

No skates.

No ice.

Just 7 HIMs honoring hockey the only way F3 knows how —

with asphalt, statistics, and suffering.

In the spirit of full NHL transparency…we’d like to congratulate the Carolina Hurricanes and their fans, who were present today, on another strong effort…But, some teams lift cups and others simply lift expectations…and then gently set them back down!

Meanwhile, the Boston Bruins taught us today that if you’re going to suffer…suffer while making history!

Black & Gold forever. 🐻🏒

And…3 for a “smooth as ice” Supermax Murph @dr. toot @Atrophy – Glen Phares @Head Hunter