Cruiser Please Chop His Knees

Cruiser Please Chop His Knees

QIC: Tonka

Date: 12.08.2025

PAX: @Zephyr @Starfish @cruiser @Rollback @ziggy stardust @Blind Date @Wahoo @Slowpitch (EC Ruck), @Tonka (EC Ruck)

YHC, with a desire to bring pain to the PAX and explore the lesser known lands around VI, put a plan together that would utilize the rolling hills of Village Point. Then, with a further desire to season the plan with a little Christmas cheer, racked my brain to think of some caroling lyrics to feature in the preblast. After completely getting carried away with a full verse and chorus remix of the classic show tune “Jingle Bells”, a preblast was posted as follows:

“Dashing through VI, wishing you had a sleigh

up the hills we sprint, moaning all the way

PAX ears and head will ring, making merlot splash

what fun it is to run up hills and wish you stayed in bed

Oh hills are hell, tonka smells, make him go away

Oh what fun it is to run and curse the Q and say-ay

@Cruiser please, chop his knees, ban the man today

Oh what fun it is to run and curse the Q all day!”

Pleased with my work, I felt I had well balanced the responsibility of the Q to entice with entertainment, yet banish with a bold caution to the wise. Thus, the PAX in attendance, refined by the fire of the foreboding invitation, would show up and show out on the challenge.

All of said PAX arrived with wetted appetites and they were not disappointed.

I will say however, ware you PAX who attempt to craft elaborate preblasts, lest you be accused of AI’ing your wares and thus compromising their worth in the eyes of the beholders. Nay, Chat GPT it is not, but Cunning Half-witted And Typical Generally Poignant Tunes it is. That joke was too long, but I’m leaving it.

Anyway, 8 fearless PAX circled up in the parking lot of the Idiocy Village and things got real idiotic, real quick.

MS. CP.

WRM

SSH

AV

WHIRLY

MT CLIMBERS

DWD

“Recover. Follow me.” (The PAX learned to hate these words)

THANG

We moseyed over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house and then kept going. Circle up at the end of the driveway across from Sweet Frog Froyo.

FORMAT:

• ALL OUT SPRINT ~100m UP HILL
• MOSEY BACK TO START
• 20X EXERCISE FOR CURRENT STATION
• REPEATO 3X

“Recover. Follow me.”

EXERCISES (Numbers coordinate with the respective station at which they were performed)

1. AMERICAN HAMMERS
2. MERKINS
3. CRUNCHY FROGS
4. DIPS
5. BOX CUTTERS

STATIONS (See Google Maps visual aid. Yes, Sweet Frog Froyo and Abbott’s Frozen Custard are saved as personal favorites. Judge me.)

1. DRIVEWAY ACROSS FROM SWEET FROG FROYO
2. TOWNCENTER DRIVE
3. DRIVEWAY ACROSS FROM DAIRI-O
4. STAIRCASE BY FLEET FEET
5. DRIVEWAY BESIDE PLANET FITNESS

You can see why “Recover. Follow me.” got old real quick.

APPENDIX A: MODIFIER (leg exercise option in lieu of sprints performed AMRAP)

1. SQUATS
2. BONNIE BLAIRS
3. JUMP SQUATS
4. SQUATTY POTTYS
5. APOLO OHNO

At the conclusion of station 5, the PAX heard the dreaded “Recover. Follow me.” one last time and we moseyed back to launch. Halfway between the river and grandmother’s house, we stopped and did 13X Burpees as an early Christmas present for @rollback. He was delighted.

MARY

• PENGUIN CRUNCH
• WWII
• FLUTTERS
• FLUTTERS…again (@cruiser)
• MERKINS (@Wahoo)
• DIAMOND MERKINS (@Wahoo)
• HIGH DOLLY (@Blind Date)
• PLANK (@Slowpitch)

fin

2.5mi, 1500m hill sprints, 313+ reps. Bravo PAX.

COT

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Rollback Flatline 12/9 & WIB (“12 Pains of Christmas” redux) 12/11 Q

Slowpitch Mayhem 12/10 Q

Boomerang Birthday Q at Parliament 12/9!!!

PRAYER REQUESTS

Total Recall’s family as they mourn his father’s passing.

Zephyr small group folks facing hard seasons with loss, relationship strife, suicide/depression concerns.

YHC took us out thanking the Lord for the men in the circle and how they have grown and challenged me. Also, challenged the PAX to reach out to 3 guys they haven’t seen out in a while and check in and invite them back out. You never know when someone is on their last straw and need a good word from a friend. The holidays are dark and tough for a lot of folks and reconnecting with the group can make a huge difference.

NMM

@Rollback was heard saying he “needed a break”. Hear ye! Hear ye! You heard it here first, DashPAX. It is now forever immortalized in this backblast. Higher praise has never been bestowed upon a Q in my humble opinion. He was sincerely happy with his Christmas gift of a bakers dozen of burpees at the midway point of the return journey. I’m a giver. Also the man did the whole thing in a weight vest. What the heck. “Beast” does not do him justice. Someone’s going to run away with the idiot competition.

@Ziggy Stardust took his #DRP this morning and filled his plate with everything on the weinke buffet. The rep count above does not apply as he likely doubled it. Main course sprints, sides of called reps and extra helping of leg exercise AMRAP. The man is wont to take “the harder route” as was said by many.

@Starfish is self declared “retired from running” but retirement must mean “Running’s Easy Thus I Really Enjoy Dominating” because he showed no slow down in his speed or stamina.

@Wahoo pulled a coup at the very end dictating Merkins and then Diamond Merkins back to back in the MARY circle. He would have kept going had @Blind Date not stepped in and taken the power back before he could build too much momentum. This revolt was likely linked to a seed of resentment Wahoo held against the Q for his ignoramus rest plan for the PAX between stations. Apparently, saying “recover” and then immediately “follow me” as YHC moseyed to the next station betrays the purpose of the word recover. I’ll need to scrub up on my exicon knowledge.

@Zephyr asked if the preblast was CHAT GPT or original, which prompted an instinctual ego flare and internal primal retort, “I challenge ye to a duel!” Thankfully, YHC choked this ill chosen proposition back down and lived to see another day (even my money’s on Zephyr). Zephyr proceeded to further squash my ego six ways from Sunday as the man just would not stop on the uphills and YHC was sucking wind looking at his back.

@Cruiser was in rare form this am and hot with the MC. He posed several motions to ban the Q from VI including revoking his upcoming scheduled visit in March and penalizing the Q several points for the Biggest Idiot Challenge (TM pending) coming in Q1. He was not amused with the Q’s choice to sing the remixed preblast on the return journey and YHC could see the wheels turning in his mind to bring the “chop his knees” part to fruition. He even Booed the Q at the conclusion of the Nameorama. The man walks the walk too though – serious T-claps for cruising through this beatdown on 3hr sleep.

@Slowpitch said the pre-ruck did not in fact preview the route and felt bamboozled by the Q citing, “we only rucked one hill”. Apologies my friend. Gotta keep the cards close to your vest sometimes. False advertising aside, the two of us had great times covering various topics including how to craft the perfect phishing email under the pseudonym, Bryce Young. Can admit that would likely work on me.

@Blind Date was the bulwark of the beatdown. Not only did he stave off the total Wahoo takeover, he also stood guard at various stages of the beatdown when massive trucks threatened to rolling pin us to the asphalt. That would have ended badly for the truck.

Thanks for letting me lead and the push, fellas! I never would have done this alone.

Tonka