A very merry grinchmas- redux
QIC: Rollback
Date: 12/11/25
PAX: Zephyr, Slow Pitch, Tonka (WB), Dr. Toot (WD), Cruiser, Workbench, Zima (aka The Grinch), and Rollback (QiC)
🎄 The 12 Pains of Christmas @TheSpeakeasy (aka Mt. Crumpit)🎄
as told in the style of Dr. Seuss
Eight whos in the gloom, with their gloves and their grit,
Set out for Mt. Crumpit — “We’ll conquer it! That’s it!”
They circled the shovel flag, hearts merry and bright,
Not knowing the Grinch planned twelve pains for their plight.
Up Crumpit they charged with a WHO-yahoo cheer,
But the Grinch only smirked, “They won’t make it this year…”
For when Whos think they’re ready — when they think they can go —
He tosses his obstacles twelve layers below.
They moseyed and burpeed, they squatted and cried,
They mumbled “Oh mercy…” while Rudolphs were tried.
Toy Soldiers were wobbling, Mike Tysons were grim,
And the Donkey Kicks nearly unhinged every limb.
But when they reached number twelve — that sleigh-riding doom —
Their hope melted quicker than snowflakes in June.
They slipped, and they stumbled, they flopped in a heap —
The PAX looked at Crumpit… “This mountain’s too steep!”
So the Grinch raised his Zima and gave them a wink,
“You’ve survived all my pains… well, at least I think!”
Defeated but laughing, they slogged home anew —
For though they failed Crumpit…they earned their WHO-Q.
The Thang
Announcements:
1. Christmas party 12/12 at Gas Hill Drinking Room
2. Biggest (village) Idiot challenge starts January 2026
3. Join Rollback for 50,000th burpee on 12/19 at UA.
Prayer Requests
1. Students at North Forsyth
2. Holiday emotions/family dynamics
NMM
Tonka shot off the line like he was late for Christmas morning, absolutely dusting the field before anyone even knew the beatdown had started. Several PAX suggested we install a governor on him, or at least require snow chains.
Slow Pitch admitted about ten minutes in that this was his “first attempt at the 12 Pains,” which explained the general look of betrayal on his face as the reps stacked. He earned full credit for surviving the “Why are we still adding numbers?” phase of the workout.
Dr. Toot provided his usual soundtrack — a tasteful blend of medical commentary, philosophical musings, and whatever intestinal symphony he’s been fine-tuning over the years. Every PAX within a five-yard radius confirmed the performance was, indeed, live.
Zima spent half the workout pretending not to be proud that his creation was inflicting this much misery on living human beings. Every time someone groaned, he smiled like the Grinch hearing a Who’s Christmas cry.
Workbench returned from his months-long sabbatical following the peaceful transfer of power to Rollback. He showed up, did the thing, muttered something about “being allergic to cold weather workouts,” and then vanished again into legend.
Zephyr lived up to his name by drifting through the exercises effortlessly, even though he spent most of the morning trying to remember whether he was supposed to be warming up, cooling down, or philosophizing with Dr. Toot.
Cruiser cruised. That’s it. That’s the note. The man simply cruised through the gloom with the emotional range of someone checking his mailbox on a Tuesday.
And Rollback… He reached for the summit of Mt. Crumpit, almost tasted glory, saw the Promised Land, and then—just inches from finishing the 12th pain—gravity, fate, and the Grinch himself teamed up to say: “Nope.” So close. So very, very far.
Thanks for the keys opportunity to lead Zephyrthe Grinch stole them halfway through the sleigh ride. He said you can pick them up after your next failed ascent.
