Why Are You Still Fat

Why Are You Still Fat

QIC: Zima

Date: 12/10/21

PAX: Spicoli, Root Canal, Cheesesteak, Mule, Hedwig, Lamb Chop, Post Hole, Zima (Q)

WARMUP.  

SSH.  Whirlies.  Michael Phelps.

BEATDOWN.

EXERCISES

Pullups x 5

Hand Release Merkins x 10

Dips x 15

Heels to Heaven x 20

Bobby Hurleys x 25

Do a set of exercises.  Run up a level of the parking deck and back down.  Do another set of exercises, but this time, pop off the top one (i.e. don’t do it).  Rinse and Repeat.

Since the group was so fast, we had time to repeato, but moved the Bobby Hurleys to the top and shifted everything else down, adjusting the reps accordingly.

There was still more time, so we started a third round, moving the Heels to Heaven and Bobby Hurleys to the top and everything else down and adjusting the reps accordingly.

DONE. 

THE Q’S THOUGHTS:

• At the end of the beatdown, the Q went to his car to retrieve a recording device.  Upon his return, he discovered that he had been replaced and rather hastily at that.  The PAX were all circled up in some kind of plank position, intently (and exactly) following the directions of what appeared to a random passerby.  You’ll have to ask someone else for the details of what happened, but there’s no way the Q could possibly be insulted by that chain of events.  Oh, and Spicoli got his wish for a selfie (which was originally denied by the Q) as the young woman reappeared about two minutes later asking to take a Snapchat.  Root Canal was flummoxed as to what that was, but dutifully smiled as his picture was taken.
• Spicoli was on time.  Read that again.  In fact, I will type that again because I may never be able to do it again.
• Post Hole claimed it was hard avoiding the fartsack this morning, but his performance did not appear to suffer, at least from the Q’s vantage point as the semi-permanent six.
• Mule tried to earn an extra Man Card by not bringing gloves, but then the prospect of doing pullups on a rusty overpass made him accept Spicoli’s offer of an extra pair of gloves.  Given the state of Spicoli’s infamous headgear, that was a bold move by Mule.  Maybe the gloves provided some kind of this-workout-is-too-easy superpower though as he breezed through it nary breaking a sweat.
• It took Cheesesteak about 4 minutes into the workout to call the Q an a**hole.  He then proceeded to berate the Q and degenerate his lifestyle choices for the rest of the time.  All of this while doing what Cheesesteak does best during a workout – whatever the hell he feels like, as long as it has nothing to do with the exercises the Q has called.
• Even though the Q did not call for a single burpee during the beatdown, every single time I looked over, Spicoli was doing burpees.  If he wanted to do 43 minutes straight of mind-numbing burpees, he could have done them in his nice new spacious backyard.  Not sure why he drove over to a dingy parking garage.
• Lamb Chop must be going through a career change and interning with Root Canal.  He took his apprentice role very seriously this morning and well, let’s say that he announced his presence multiple times.  Fear of further gastronomical distress was probably the reason that he chose not to actually workout.  He may try to tell you that he exercised, but I think the only muscles that got a workout were in his tongue (and maybe his sphincter too).
• The Q was confused upon seeing Hedwig at arrival time, thinking he had mistakenly shown up at a running workout.  Hedwig dispelled any myths of lacking bootcamp strength by seemingly effortlessly doing 1 finger pullups with his 63 lb body.
• At the spry young age of 89, Root Canal is a model for the rest of humanity.  Rather than jibber jabber like those many, many, many, many generations younger than him, he quietly dominated the workout with an odd smile adorning his face.  And get this, he was near the lead for the entirety of the workout while doing the actual exercises.  Go figure.
• The Q was deservedly body shamed.
• Post Hole seems legitimately confused by his age.  That happens when you enter your 5th decade.
• Despite Root Canal’s efforts, nobody was naked.  Ewww, get your mind out of the gutter.  Not naked in that way.  I guess you had to be there.  I’m putting my fig leaf back on now.

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

• Supposedly there is some holiday decorating happening on Wednesday, according to Spicoli.  Lamb Chop and Cheesesteak are not invited.
• There might be a convergence somewhere sometime.

PRAYERS:

• There is need everywhere.  Help out where you can.

Oh boy.  Root Canal took us out in a special way that only Root Canal can.  I might have to save this recording.  Strong words my friend.

Zima Out.