{"id":6050,"date":"2018-08-22T22:02:27","date_gmt":"2018-08-23T02:02:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/?p=6050"},"modified":"2018-08-22T22:02:27","modified_gmt":"2018-08-23T02:02:27","slug":"bring-your-kid-to-f3-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/2018\/08\/bring-your-kid-to-f3-day\/","title":{"rendered":"Bring Your Kid to F3 Day"},"content":{"rendered":"

BRING YOUR KID TO F3 DAY<\/span><\/h3>\n

Date: 8\/22\/18<\/span><\/h4>\n

Q: Zima<\/span><\/h4>\n

PAX: Reborn (Rock Hill, SC), Toto, Mutton, Honey Nut (fka: Thomas Boone), Cheerio, Sprinkles (fka: Will Bumgarner), Glazer, Lamb Chop, Snooki, Chisel, Jar Jar, Cheesesteak, Palin (Chippendale), Root Canal, Thistle (Workout Grandpa), The Rake (enthusiastic WB), The Vig, Hazer, Van Pelt, Zima (QIC)<\/span><\/h4>\n
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Since we had a guest speaker join us briefly to spread her devotional message during Warm-o-rama, I thought I would allow her to write this edition of the backblast from her perspective. \u00a0What follows may or may not be <\/span>entirely<\/span><\/i> true and will most certainly be denied in a court of law, but there are at least some indisputable facts planted within the story. \u00a0(Editor\u2019s note: I had always intended to write a backblast from a random bystander\u2019s perspective this morning. It seems quite serendipitous (or maybe it was divine intervention) that on the day I had that planned, we actually had a visitor. \u00a0Makes you kind of wonder, doesn\u2019t it?)<\/span><\/p>\n

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You know when you wake up in the morning and have that feeling? \u00a0That feeling that you\u2019re going to do good today. There\u2019s somebody out there that needs saving. \u00a0I\u2019m going to help them. Yeah, I woke up with that, got dressed, and headed out the door. But where should I go? \u00a0Where can I do the most good? Where are there souls that need saving? Of course, I\u2019ll head to an unlit school parking lot in the gloom of the morning. \u00a0Ok, let\u2019s just walk down Northwest Boulevard, and holy s*!t … JACKPOT! Why are there a bunch of dudes standing in a circle being yelled out by a Napoleonic one in the middle? \u00a0He looks to be in bad shape. The poor boy can\u2019t even afford sleeves. What are they doing? Is this a cult? What are those funny names they are calling each other? Oh boy. They need my help, NOW. \u00a0Good gracious, there are kids present. I need to hustle.<\/span><\/p>\n

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I\u2019m cautiously approaching now, but I want to pause to figure out this strange situation. \u00a0If only there were lights so I could see what\u2019s going on. It seems like they are doing what appears to be <\/span>Jumping Jacks<\/b>. \u00a0Unfortunately, the \u201cspecial\u201d one in the middle cannot count past 3 so the other nice men seem to be helping him by shouting back the higher numbers. \u00a0Now they are doing some weird looking leg raise which looks like a <\/span>Hillbilly<\/b> trying to walk. \u00a0This is clearly not a coordinated bunch. \u00a0The sleeveless wonder must have some sort of hideous disease because one of the wise elders instructs the rest of the group to not stare directly at him. \u00a0The one in the middle is less-than-amused by this comment. I agree. I don\u2019t understand the problem. The cadence seems spot on to me. Then there are some other warmup type calisthenics, even mentioning some guy named <\/span>Whirly<\/b> who should probably go to the free clinic. \u00a0How are those dads going to explain that to those young, impressionable kids? \u00a0I don\u2019t see no mountains around, but they say they\u2019re <\/span>Climbing Mountains<\/b>. \u00a0I think they are possessed. \u00a0They seem to be speaking in tongues. \u00a0Enough of these shenanigans. I need to step in and spread the Good Word.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I politely interrupt and then educate these boys about Jesus saving our souls. \u00a0Hey, I think I reached a few of them. But there are clearly a few that will take more work. \u00a0I better keep my eye on them. I\u2019ll pretend to walk away, but I\u2019m going to follow them to make sure they don\u2019t cause any trouble.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

They start those exercises again. \u00a0See, I told you they were speaking in tongues. \u00a0They\u2019re doing odd looking pushups, but calling them Merkins? \u00a0Can that be right? Honey, that\u2019s not a merkin. A merkin is, well \u2026 you can Google that for yourself dear reader.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The group is finally leaving, begrudgingly following the short one. \u00a0Oh no, they are heading into the depths of the park. There might be other unaware children down there. \u00a0I must go and protect the innocent.<\/span><\/p>\n

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After bypassing some perfectly placed pullup bars (who does that?), they arrive at the track. \u00a0Once again, the diminutive one barks instructions and the group (I think I\u2019m learning the lingo – PAX) actually does it. \u00a0Sure, a few of them try to rebel and escape without doing the exercises, but the herd mentality brings them back in. Valiant effort gentlemen.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

From what I can tell, here\u2019s what they\u2019re doing. \u00a0I don\u2019t understand all that gibberish they\u2019re speaking, but I guess I\u2019ll relay it. \u00a0To me, it seems like if you have a nice new track, then you should be running on it. \u00a0Why are they stopping all of the time? Anyway, after each hundred meters, they are stopping to do the same four exercises. \u00a0How boring. That\u2019s not creative at all. Oh no – they start with <\/span>10 Burpees<\/b>. \u00a0Why would they do that? \u00a0Then <\/span>10 Squats<\/b>. \u00a0There they go again – calling a pushup a <\/span>Merkin<\/b>. \u00a0I don\u2019t understand these people. \u00a0And why can\u2019t they just say situp? \u00a0Why call them <\/span>WWIIs<\/b>? \u00a0Whatever. \u00a010 reps of everything. \u00a0Easy enough. Wait, now they\u2019re <\/span>sprinting<\/b>. \u00a0I\u2019m out of breath trying to keep up. \u00a0Thank goodness it was only <\/span>100 meters<\/b>. \u00a0Yup, same 4 exercises at the next turn, but what\u2019s this? \u00a0They are increasing the reps by 10 now. Phew, at least the <\/span>Burpees<\/b> held true and didn\u2019t increase. \u00a0This is getting repetitive though. \u00a0Sprint the straightaways, jog the turns, increase by 10 reps (except Burpees). \u00a010-20-30-40. That Star Wars dude must be using his podracer to get around the track. \u00a0He\u2019s fast. Who are those two random guys lunge walking around the track by themselves? \u00a0Are they escapees from the PAX or just in the wrong place at the wrong time? I want to scream at them – RUN! \u00a0I hear something about failing to headlock their emotions. The breakfast cereal dude even offered to hostage swap places with them. \u00a0I don\u2019t understand these people.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Finally made it around the track. \u00a0Good. Let\u2019s go home so I can report these crazies to the appropriate mental health agencies. \u00a0Wait, why are they laying on the ground? Are they supposed to be doing that? Hmm, some of them are actually in a facsimile of a plank position. \u00a0Someone says something about SIX of something. SIX what? What does that mean? SIX up, huh? Is that a quantity or a person or — Nooooo, they are doing it again!?!? \u00a0That must have been the command to start over. Doh! 40-30-20-10 this time. Yikes. I\u2019m exhausted just watching. Perhaps some of them are low on energy too since their pushups look more like elbow convulsions, and why are those two gentlemen on their knees. \u00a0I may not be a professional, but that doesn\u2019t seem to be the correct form. I did hear something early on about modify if necessary, but this is ridiculous. Except for that one guy. He doesn\u2019t look like at all that cartoon character from the Jersey Shore that they keep calling him. \u00a0His form is impeccable. Silver Sneakers, on the other hand \u2026 well, let\u2019s not make fun of the elderly. And that guy over there, is he doing yoga?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So let me see, ten plus twenty plus thirty, carry the one, divide by PI, take the square root of the radius of n factorial and that equals \u2026 is that correct? \u00a0Did they really do 200 \u201cMerkins\u201d, \u201cWWIIs\u201d, and Squats and 80 Burpees? Wow, they might be certifiably crazy, but they\u2019re impressive. These fellas are s-t-r-o-n-g. \u00a0Is that actual muscle definition on that runner boy? I don\u2019t even know what this next statement means, but I\u2019m pretty sure the man from Down Range (what\u2019s that?) said this workout is too easy for him.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Are they finally done? \u00a0Why does Mr. No Sleeves keep looking at his watch and mumbling about not enough time? \u00a0Great, now they\u2019re on the move again \u2026 to the dark softball field. Oh I get it. The leader said they\u2019re watching <\/span>Field of Dreams<\/span><\/i> with that dreamy Kevin Costner. \u00a0Nevermind, shucks. I should have known better. \u00a0No cinematic film, just more exercises. The PAX divides into 4 groups. \u00a0Looks like the group at home plate is doing <\/span>10 Burpees <\/b>(why?). \u00a0The ones at first base are either doing some form of <\/span>Crunches<\/b> or just flat out laying down. \u00a0And what the hell is going on at second base? \u00a0I don\u2019t even know how to describe this. They are doing some kind of whacked out S&M move where they grab their ankles and bounce. \u00a0I have no idea what that has to do with <\/span>Monkeys<\/b>, but I\u2019m not sure it\u2019s quite legal. \u00a0OK, is anyone else seeing what\u2019s going on at third base? \u00a0Are they \u2026 defiling the ground? Is this why they have to workout at 5:30 in the morning. \u00a0That\u2019s definitely not legal. Good thing I am sticking around. They need my help more than I thought. \u00a0I understand the plank part, but where do the <\/span>Preserved Cucumbers<\/b> come into play? \u00a0Ewww. After witnessing each group rotate around the bases, I think I\u2019ve had enough of these shenanigans.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I think they\u2019ve all given up too.<\/b><\/p>\n

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Back at the parking lot. \u00a0Uh oh, they\u2019re forming a circle again. \u00a0Here it comes. Are they going to sacrifice a goat this time, charm a snake, or drink Holy Rum? \u00a0I\u2019m slowly backing off. This could get weird. But wait. Actually, they\u2019re all being civil and congratulating one another. \u00a0High fives, fist bumps, laughter, accolades, and \u2026 introductions? Are they saying their names? Don\u2019t they know each other? Hmm, guess not. \u00a0But they are very welcoming to a visitor from Rock Hill, #Reborn. Now why in the world would someone from out of town willingly put themselves through this? \u00a0And what in god\u2019s name is an FNG? OH NO! They\u2019re going for the kids! Is there anyone around to help? Is this the initiation part? Let me document what happens in case nobody hears from these little guys again.<\/span><\/p>\n