{"id":5318,"date":"2018-06-19T22:10:01","date_gmt":"2018-06-20T02:10:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/?p=5318"},"modified":"2018-06-19T22:10:01","modified_gmt":"2018-06-20T02:10:01","slug":"a-b-beatdown","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/2018\/06\/a-b-beatdown\/","title":{"rendered":"A B- Beatdown"},"content":{"rendered":"
What: Flatline<\/span><\/h5>\n
When: June 19, 2018<\/span><\/h5>\n
Where: First Presbyterian Parking Lot<\/span><\/h5>\n
Who:\u00a0Hedwig (shockingly WB), Thistle (WD, of course), Mutton, Roosevelt, Pita, TPS, Cherry Tree, Shingles, Root Canal, Zima (QIC)<\/span><\/h5>\n
\n

05:19:37<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Pita arrives. \u00a0Phew. The streak of Site Qs bailing on Zima-led beatdowns is broken. \u00a0Maybe Pita never got the memo.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:20:13<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Pita emerges from his truck wearing a pair of workout shorts that would make John Stockton proud.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:21:10<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>What the hell is Pita doing behind his truck?<\/span><\/p>\n

05:21:38<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Zima and Pita compare \u2026 truck sizes.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:21:56<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Shingles arrives.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:22:16<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Mystery solved. \u00a0Well this will be an interesting morning. \u00a0Pita has a dead hog in a cooler in the back of his truck (because, of course he does).<\/span><\/p>\n

05:23:54<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Cherry Tree arrives. \u00a0Has Pita assumed ER recruiting duties from Toe Tag?<\/span><\/p>\n

05:24:24<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Roosevelt arrives.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:24:30<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Mutton arrives.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:24:34<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Pita admits he doesn\u2019t read Zima\u2019s tweets.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:25:07<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Thistle and Root Canal arrive.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:25:24<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Discussion over whose workout would be easier, Zima\u2019s or Lite Brite\u2019s. \u00a0How has this discussion lasted for more than 1.5 seconds?<\/span><\/p>\n

05:26:10<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>The Q assures Thistle that the workout would be easy.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:25:41<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Hedwig arrives — in a car. \u00a0Well that\u2019s strange. He didn\u2019t run 17 miles before the beatdown?<\/span><\/p>\n

05:26:48<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Congratulations\/Condolences given to Hedwig on his recent nuptials (and 16th birthday yesterday).<\/span><\/p>\n

05:26:58<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Hedwig announces\/demands that we will do a Birthday Murphday later this week!<\/span><\/p>\n

05:27:38<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Note: Don\u2019t marry into Hedwig\u2019s family. \u00a0He makes his in-laws (yes, even his mother-in-law) do Murphs with him.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:28:20<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>TPS arrives.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:29:59<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Pita, the Site Q, thinks he\u2019s being funny and asks if we can warm up. \u00a0<\/span>Editor\u2019s note: The only rule for Flatline is constant high tempo movement. \u00a0Nowhere in the by-laws does it say anything about not warming up. It is Fake News spread by the liberal F3 Winston-Salem media that warm ups are not allowed. \u00a0But any Q willing to go out on a limb and try a warm up can expect ceaseless mocking and mumble chatter.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

05:30:00<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Start the watch. \u00a0By the way, we\u2019re not warming up. \u00a0Zima gives a heartfelt welcome message.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:30:15<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>The PAX line up on the parking spaces facing the Q. \u00a0<\/span>Mountain Climbers x 20 IC (slowly)<\/b><\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:31:18<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Low Flutter x 20 IC (slowly)<\/b><\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:32:10<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>Mountain Climbers x 20 IC (fastly)<\/b><\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:32:24<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>PAX wonder if we\u2019re going to make it out of the parking lot.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:32:35<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Thistle asks, \u201cPlease don\u2019t do those arm swirly things. \u00a0I hate those,\u201d in an apparent weak effort to trick the Q.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:32:56<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Low Flutter x 20 IC (fastly)<\/b><\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:33:42<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>PAX leave the safety of the parking lot.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:34:45<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Hedwig brags about all the gelato he ate while on his honeymoon.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:35:14<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>PAX arrive at Corpening Plaza and assume the plank position. \u00a0The Q explains the Merkin 8 Ball (with Box Jumps). \u201cAye\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:35:52<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Everybody shuffles a bit. \u00a0We\u2019re being attacked by 9-foot killer ants (or at least that\u2019s how we\u2019ll tell the story later on), definitely not the \u00bc inch kind. \u00a0They were messing up our workout.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:35:57<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Diamond Merkins x 5 IC <\/b><\/span>(unintelligible yapping begins, probably from Thistle and\/or Root Canal). \u00a0<\/span>Box Jumps x 10 OYO<\/b>. \u00a0<\/span>Plank when done<\/b><\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:36:51<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Ranger Merkins x 5 IC <\/b><\/span>(silence from Thistle). \u00a0<\/span>Box Jumps x 10 OYO<\/b>. \u00a0<\/span>Plank when done<\/b>.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

05:37:40<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Chuck Norris Merkins x 5 IC <\/b><\/span>(Oh geez. Thistle runs his mouth again. \u00a0Rest of the PAX are eerily silent, not even counting along anymore.). \u00a0<\/span>Box Jumps x 10 OYO<\/b>. \u00a0<\/span>Plank when done<\/b>.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

05:38:42<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Hand Release Merkins x 5 IC<\/b>. \u00a0<\/span>Box Jumps x 10 OYO<\/b>. \u00a0<\/span>Plank when done<\/b>.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

05:39:36<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Tempo Merkins x 5 IC<\/b>. \u00a0<\/span>Box Jumps x 10 OYO<\/b><\/span>.<\/span> \u00a0(Pax wonder if they can still make it Parliament with Lite Brite) \u00a0<\/span>Plank when done<\/b>.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

05:40:24<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Crucible Merkins x 5 IC<\/b><\/span> (for Pita, who predictably cheers \u2026 loudly). \u00a0(The Q is getting some not-so-nice stares and groans from the PAX, even the newer guys. \u00a0Sheesh. We\u2019re only 10 minutes in.) <\/span>Box Jumps x 10 OYO<\/b>. \u00a0<\/span>Plank when done<\/b><\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:41:15<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Wide Merkins x 5 IC <\/b><\/span>(PAX are now just loudly grunting in the general direction of the Q). \u00a0<\/span>Box Jumps x 10 OYO<\/b>. \u00a0<\/span>Plank when done<\/b>.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

05:42:12<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Merkins x 5 IC<\/b><\/span> (The Q announces this is the last set and you would have thought it was already COT time with all of the prayers being shouted and invocations of the Lord\u2019s name. \u00a0Oh sure, now everyone can speak). <\/span>Box Jumps x 10 OYO<\/b>. \u00a0<\/span>Plank when done<\/b>.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

05:43:24<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Moseying to next destination. \u00a0Hedwig tells us that he did a few short runs on his honeymoon in Venice – 16 miles (excuse me, shouldn\u2019t that be in kilometers?) at once, on purpose; and 10 miles. \u00a0\u201c<\/span>You know there are boats, like everywhere?<\/span><\/i>\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

05:44:05<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>PAX arrive at the intersection of Second Street and Town Run Lane for the crown jewel of the workout. \u00a0<\/span>Plank<\/b><\/span> while the Q explains what will happen next. \u00a0At the intersection, the PAX will do ascending <\/span>WWIIs<\/b><\/span>, starting at 2 reps and increasing by 2 each time. \u00a0At each light pole, the PAX will do descending <\/span>Burpees<\/b><\/span>, starting at 18 reps and decreasing by 2 at each successive pole. So, start with WWIIs and run to the first light pole. \u00a0Do the Burpees and then run back to the intersection. Do the WWIIs and run to the second light pole. Continue back-and-forth until the last light pole at the intersection of Third Street and Town Run Lane. \u00a0If the Q\u2019s math is correct, there should be 9 light poles for 90 WWIIs and 90 Burpees.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:44:45<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Pita asks if we can sprint between poles. \u00a0Yes, Pita. Yes you can. <\/span>He didn\u2019t.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

05:44:58<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Apparently Town Run Lane is busier than the Q remembers as we had to dodge a few cars almost immediately who didn\u2019t seem to appreciate the idea of a bunch of dudes lying in the middle of the road.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:45:16<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Roosevelt was so excited, he speeds off and tries to skip the first pole. \u00a0And to think, he almost got away with it.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:45:33<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Unidentified PAX wishes he read the Q\u2019s tweet from the previous night about not showing up the workout. \u00a0Other PAX audibly concurred. I think the new guys are catching on.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:46:19<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Franchise Signs International\u2019s Employee of the Month expresses his longing for the company President. \u00a0<\/span>Translation: I wish I had gone to Parliament.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

05:47:02<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>At this point, the mumble chatter understandably draws to an extreme minimum. \u00a0It\u2019s time to listen in on what went on in the Q\u2019s head.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:48:23<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Roosevelt is coming the opposite way. \u00a0That dude is pushing it. Give him a High Five. \u00a0Oh, DENIED! That\u2019s OK, maybe he didn\u2019t see me.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

05:52:12<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Mutton is way ahead of everyone else. \u00a0<\/span>How did Mutton get so far ahead? \u00a0That man is a machine. Maybe it\u2019s because he doesn\u2019t waste his energy babbling at the Q.<\/span><\/i> \u00a0Some of you other jabronis should take note.<\/span><\/p>\n

05:52:16<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>And look at Root Canal. \u00a0He\u2019s gaining some ground on Mutton. \u00a0#MajorRespect.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

05:53:48<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Here comes Roosevelt again. \u00a0Let\u2019s try the Medium Five thing this time. \u00a0Success. Sweet!<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

05:56:03<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I can hear Thistle yammering on in the background somewhere, but I\u2019m ignoring him. \u00a0How can he talk so much? His mouth must not be connected to the rest of his body.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

05:56:19<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>What the hell is Pita yelling about this time? \u00a0He\u2019s loud. Does anyone live within a half mile of this place? \u00a0Is he trying to wake up someone in Kernersville? What is hunting with him like? \u00a0What\u2019s his bedside manner like as a doctor? Is there such a thing as good doctor \/ bad doctor, you know, like cops? \u00a0Is that what he and Hedwig do? If he had a reality show, would it be on PBS or Viceland?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

05:57:08<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Shingles, hmm. \u00a0Never worked out with him before. \u00a0That\u2019s an interesting nickname. Shingles? \u00a0I wonder which kind. Nevermind. I don\u2019t want to know.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

05:57:17<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I wonder if I can trust Cherry Tree. \u00a0(Get it? I crack myself up.)<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

05:58:46<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Time check. \u00a0Take an assessment of where everyone is. \u00a0Haven\u2019t seen TPS in a while. Where is he? \u00a0Oh, there he is. Is he even sweating? He doesn\u2019t even look tired. \u00a0He\u2019s knocking out those burpees.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

06:01:36<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Time to slow down Mutton. \u00a0After the last set of 18 WWIIs at the intersection, do <\/span>Mountain Climbers<\/b><\/span> and <\/span>Low Flutters<\/b><\/span> until the Six is up, then we\u2019ll all run up Town Run Lane together to do the final 2 Burpees.<\/span><\/p>\n

06:03:58<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Roosevelt and Pita want none of this waiting around stuff and take off up Town Run Lane. \u00a0The rest of PAX wisely decide to follow the big men.<\/span><\/p>\n

06:04:25<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Thistle wants to get a special Zima edition F3 Winston-Salem t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, but doesn\u2019t think MudGear makes arm holes small enough for him. \u00a0His words, not mine.<\/span><\/p>\n

06:04:53<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Hedwig informs YHC that he only gives the beatdown a B- because we didn\u2019t do Partner Carries between the light poles. \u00a0YHC quickly retorts that he was free to carry Pita. And by golly, the pint-sized M.D. did just that. Pita hopped on and the little guy carried him for a good 30 yards at least.<\/span><\/p>\n

06:05:26<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>All PAX do final <\/span>2 Burpees<\/b><\/span> together and mosey up Third Street.<\/span><\/p>\n

06:06:12<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>PAX arrive at Winston Square Park and stumble upon two citizens who were, uh, uh, probably camping under the stars. \u00a0Undeterred by the hoard of sweaty dudes invading their slumber, they kept right on sleeping while we worked out. <\/span>Plank<\/b><\/span> while the Q explains the next set of exercises. \u00a0At the bottom of each staircase, do <\/span>5 Hand Release Clap Mike Tysons<\/b><\/span>. \u00a0Run up the stairs. \u00a0Do <\/span>10 Squats<\/span><\/b>. \u00a0Run down the stairs and repeat at the next staircase to the right.<\/span><\/p>\n

06:06:36<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Someone (<\/span>perhaps Cherry Tree?<\/span><\/i>) asked for clarification on the Hand Release Clap Mike Tysons and was immediately chastised by the rest of the PAX. \u00a0It\u2019s amazing how harmonizing a group of grunts and groans can be.<\/span><\/p>\n

06:08:12<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Q is doing squats at the top level of Winston Square Park and surveying the scene. \u00a0<\/span>What the heck? \u00a0What is wrong with these people? \u00a0Do they not know their right from their left? \u00a0Why is everyone running into each other. Oh wait, I see. \u00a0I guess \u201cright\u201d and \u201cleft\u201d were dependent on which direction they were facing as I was explaining. \u00a0OK, I get it. My bad. #QFail.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

06:09:35<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Q is doing squats at the top level of Winston Square Park and surveying the scene. \u00a0<\/span>Hmm, even after the expert demonstration of the Hand Release Clap Mike Tysons there seems to be a ton of modification. \u00a0Wait \u2026 is anyone even doing them? Ugh.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

06:11:43<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>After about 5 or 6 rounds, the Q has had enough. \u00a0Time to go. Mosey back to launch spot.<\/span><\/p>\n

06:12:12<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Hedwig takes off with surprisingly blazing speed. \u00a0Apparently the workout was not difficult enough for Doogie (Hedwig, <\/span>you can read this to understand that joke<\/span><\/a>.).<\/span><\/p>\n

06:12:23<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>The PAX requested Arm Circles. \u00a0The Q obliges. Sure, that was 41 minutes ago, but still … \u00a0Next exercise: <\/span>Forward Arm Circles x 10 IC (hold it)<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

06:12:51<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Reverse Arm Circles x 10 IC (hold it)<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

06:13:25<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Moroccan Night Clubs x 10 IC (hold it)<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

06:13:50<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Why are people putting their arms down dammit?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

06:13:54<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Seal Claps x 10 IC (hold it)<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

06:14:18<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Unidentified PAX: \u201cI\u2019d like to use my shoulders today.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

06:14:29<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Air Claps x 10 IC (hold it)<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

06:14:51<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Why is everyone walking around? \u00a0Did I say feet circles or arm circles?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

06:15:06<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Jack Reachers x 10 IC<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

06:15:07<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Beatdown stops<\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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