{"id":21542,"date":"2023-03-18T14:51:45","date_gmt":"2023-03-18T18:51:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/?p=21542"},"modified":"2023-03-18T14:51:45","modified_gmt":"2023-03-18T18:51:45","slug":"et-tu-f3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/2023\/03\/et-tu-f3\/","title":{"rendered":"Et tu, F3?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear reader, please afford your humble correspondent some artistic liberty and creative license here.\u00a0 Although the Meadowlark area does not yet hold the prestige of the great city of Rome, let us remember that Rome wasn\u2019t built in a day – but it damn sure took less time than the Meadowlark Drive road upgrade project – I digress.\u00a0 We may not have the Theatre of Pompey or Seven Hills or the iconic Tiber River, but we do have a covered structure with picnic tables and Big Ass fans that are mysteriously on all year long, a Hill to Nowhere, and a polluted Muddy Creek.\u00a0 So basically Jamison Park and Rome are mirror images of each other.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Since the details of the events from this morning have been passed down by ancient biographers, some of the facts may be a bit fuzzy.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Let us travel back to the year of Julius Caesar\u2019s assassination, 44 BC \u2026.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As the Senators gathered, all donned in eloquent period garb relative to the appropriate year, in the marshy (but somehow paved) field for the journey to the Theatre of Jamison, the Meadowlark winds brought a slight chill to the air.\u00a0 The princeps senatus, Workbench, maintained law and order in his domain of Mayhem, only ceding temporary power for brief morning durations on the 4th weekly celestial day.\u00a0 Under the command of Emperor Zima in this gloom, these pillars of antiquity (some more antique than others) partook in a ritual of <\/span>Side Straddle Hopping<\/b>.\u00a0 In what can only be described as an homage to the pagan god, <\/span>Whirly<\/b>, they next produced <\/span>Clapping<\/b> noises.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Knowing time was short, the little dictator instructed the statesman to make their way to the base of one of the Seven Hills of Meadowlark, known as the Hill to Nowhere.\u00a0 It was here that Cherry Pie the Elder finally decided to grace the fellow PAX with his presence, obviously having been delayed by extra long sessions with his harem.\u00a0 In tribute to the man, the entire Senate performed 5 <\/span>Burpees<\/b>.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

To prepare the fine dignitaries of F3 society for an important day ahead, the leader kindly suggested that the men ignite their abdominal muscles with the original Roman free weights – rocks, all strategically pre-selected by the entirety of the Emperor\u2019s servants (read: himself).\u00a0 Since today is the Ides, which occurs on the 15th day during the third month (March) of the Roman Calendar, 3 exercises were chosen.\u00a0 15 reps each, then hold for 15 seconds.\u00a0 No breaks.\u00a0 <\/span>Regular Crunches<\/b>, <\/span>LBCS<\/b>, and <\/span>Gas Pumps<\/b>.\u00a0 The boisterous men let out grunts, hoots, and hollers to express their pleasure with this simple display of fitness.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was time to resume the journey so the PAX entered the Burpee Colosseum (BC) and <\/span>Reverse Peloton<\/b>\u2019ed up the Hill to Nowhere while carrying their Roman rocks.\u00a0 Medicus Drip the Creepy, with his way-before-its-time futuristic cyborg technology, set his bionic knee to mountain domination mode as he smoothly glided up the hill.\u00a0 The Emperor\u2019s latin translations were less than optimal so when he instructed the Senators to slow mosey, something must have been lost in the vernacular because this mode of transportation was more akin to a sprint.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

At the top of the Hill to Nowhere, each Senator carefully listened as Julius Zima unleashed his public proclamation about the remainder of the beatdown.\u00a0 Historians will later note that this was the pivotal moment when the assassination plot was hatched by the bat-flipping co-conspirators, Van \u201cBrutus\u201d Gogh and Cherry \u201cCassius\u201d Pie as from then on, they were only seen in passing glances until the end of the beatdown.\u00a0 With unbridled strength and speed, they resembled gladiators more than Senators.\u00a0 Loosely translated from the works of ancient royal scribes, the weinke said the men were to <\/span>Run<\/b> down the hill, stopping at 4 stations along the way: top, first curve, second curve, and bottom.\u00a0 At each station, they were to perform an exercise 11 times.\u00a0 Once at the bottom, they were to go back up the hill and repeat the process.\u00a0 Respectively, the exercises were <\/span>WMD Burpees<\/b>, <\/span>180 Degree Burpees<\/b>, <\/span>Bear Burpees<\/b>, and <\/span>Spider Burpees<\/b>.\u00a0 As the story goes, performances related to form varied greatly from Senator to Senator, probably due to differing dialects of the Meadowlarkonian exicon and thus caused a misunderstanding of what was expected.\u00a0 On each subsequent trip down the hill, each Senator was to move a rock down one station and perform <\/span>11 Rockees<\/b> there, replacing the usual exercise, until all rocks were returned to the bottom.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Imagine the year to be 44 BC.\u00a0 44 Burpees in the Burpee Colosseum (BC).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ever faithful, General Rubber \u201cMark Antony\u201d Ducky and Root \u201cGaius Octavius\u201d Canal flanked the tiny authoritarian for most of the workout as protection against the assassins, often slowing down to wait.\u00a0 However Rubber Ducky secured the honorable Chubz\u2019s allegiance (cajoling, trickery, bribery), he became a valuable soldier powering through the workout with nary a complaint.\u00a0 The haruspex, Drama Queen, was overheard warning of the sheer stupidity of the workout leading to Zima\u2019s eventual demise.\u00a0 DQ\u2019s best soothsaying days are most likely behind him now as the \u201cIdes of March have gone\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Returning fresh from recruiting campaigns in the outer territory, specifically a Planet entirely dedicated to Fitness, Turnoverius the Frigid proved that his personal workout regimen of using someplace called, \u201cinside\u201d, was superior by scoffing at its creator and making easy work of this beatdown.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Fearing a coup was upon them, the diminutive Emperor commanded the men to descend the hill one last time, hoping to trick the antagonists into remaining at the summit.\u00a0 Outwitted however, the plan was foiled and all of the Senators regrouped, forcing the Emperor to face his ultimate fate.\u00a0 The esteemed politicians ominously surrounded him one final time in a circle and announced to the world their presence so as to be recorded in the annals of history on this fateful day.\u00a0 Unable to escape, Emperor Zima approached each man in an attempt to offer an ancient tradition of a conciliatory fist bump and in the end, was heard saying prayers.\u00a0 The old texts differ on the next sequence of events and Zima\u2019s last words as Q, but popular theory points to him declaring, \u201cEt tu, F3?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear reader, please afford your humble correspondent some artistic liberty and creative license here.\u00a0 Although the Meadowlark area does not yet hold the prestige of the great city of Rome, let us remember that Rome wasn\u2019t built in a day – but it damn sure took less time than the Meadowlark Drive road upgrade project […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":200,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[112,83],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-21542","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bootcamp","category-mayhem"],"acf":{"q":"Zima","date":"3\/15\/23","pax":"Drama Queen, Chubz, Rubber Ducky, Cherry Pie, Drip, Workbench, Van Gogh, Turnover, Root Canal, Zima"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21542","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/200"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=21542"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21542\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":21544,"href":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21542\/revisions\/21544"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=21542"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=21542"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=21542"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}