{"id":19019,"date":"2022-03-20T09:59:15","date_gmt":"2022-03-20T13:59:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/?p=19019"},"modified":"2022-03-20T09:59:15","modified_gmt":"2022-03-20T13:59:15","slug":"jailbreak","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/2022\/03\/jailbreak\/","title":{"rendered":"Jailbreak"},"content":{"rendered":"

WARMUP.<\/b>\u00a0 SSH, Whirlies, Michael Phelps, Imperial Stormtroopers [at this point, Bullwinkle leaves]<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

BEATDOWN.<\/b><\/p>\n

The prison guards are watching us carefully so we must be cunning with our plan.\u00a0 We\u2019ve secretly removed some cinder blocks out of the prison wall in preparation for our escape, but can\u2019t leave the evidence around for the guards to see.\u00a0 We must keep the blocks with us at all times.\u00a0 Also, in an effort to not give away our intentions, we\u2019ll do our exercises in the correct manner, paying attention to proper form or else the guards will know we\u2019re distracted, thinking about our pending escape.\u00a0 While the guards are eyeballing us, we\u2019ll perform the next Prison Yard exercise on the list.\u00a0 Then, we\u2019ll carry the blocks with us to our cell.\u00a0 Since space is limited in the cells, we can only do abdominal exercises.\u00a0 We\u2019ll do all 4 in sequence without a break and then head back to the prison yard, with our blocks, of course, since we don\u2019t want the guards to find them when they do a sweep of our cells.\u00a0 Keep methodically working through this plan until we\u2019ve completed all of the Prison Yard exercises.\u00a0 If we are so fast and finish the list, we\u2019ll start over.\u00a0 At certain intervals, there is a shift change of the guards (each set of 4 Prison Yard exercises).\u00a0 That is our opportunity to Jailbreak run to our cells (no blocks) and grab some extra tools.\u00a0 But we must hurry.\u00a0 Find 20 American Hammers and Jailbreak run back to the Prison Yard before anyone notices.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Location Notes:<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Prison<\/b> – The ROCC (for licensing rights, we need to use the extra \u2018C\u2019 instead of a \u2018K\u2019)<\/span><\/p>\n

Prison Yard<\/b> – by the side entrance with the Welcome sign<\/span><\/p>\n

Cell<\/b> – the Discipline Center<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

PRISON YARD REPS x20<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

BLOCKEES<\/span><\/p>\n

CURL PRESSES<\/span><\/p>\n

BLOCK SWINGS<\/span><\/p>\n

ABYSS MERKINS<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<Jailbreak.\u00a0 American Hammer x20.\u00a0 Jailbreak><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

JUMP OVER BURPEES<\/span><\/p>\n

ALPOS<\/span><\/p>\n

BLOCK THRUSTERS<\/span><\/p>\n

SIDE-TO-SIDE MERKINS<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<Jailbreak.\u00a0 American Hammer x20.\u00a0 Jailbreak><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

DEEP WEIGHTED REVERSE LUNGES<\/span><\/p>\n

TRICEP PRESSES<\/span><\/p>\n

DERKINS<\/span><\/p>\n

HEAVY PANTS<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<Jailbreak.\u00a0 American Hammer x20.\u00a0 Jailbreak><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

IN OUR CELLS REPS x5<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

BOX CUTTERS<\/span><\/p>\n

GAS PUMPS<\/span><\/p>\n

HEELS TO HEAVENS<\/span><\/p>\n

LOW DOLLIES<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

ESCAPED!!<\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

WARDEN\u2019S JOURNAL:<\/b><\/p>\n

Reports are still coming in, but somewhere around a dozen inmates broke out of The ROCC this morning.\u00a0 Things began ominously as the hooligans were rowdy early on with the ruckus culminating in an eventual prison break.\u00a0 It all started early as 5 scouts (Van Gogh, Ziffel, Bullwinkle, Crash, and Zima) did some pre-dawn reconnaissance work with a mysterious collaborator named Murph.\u00a0 They were soon seen testing the structural integrity of the cinder blocks before the rest of the chain gang arrived.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As the crowd in the Prison Yard swelled, the guards were on edge.\u00a0 The inmates began to encircle one diminutively angry man, but it was unclear whether they were in league with him or arguing profusely with him.\u00a0 Their initial movements were neither fluid nor synchronized and resembled a troop of newborn baboons trying out their limbs for the first time.\u00a0 At this point, the guards began to relax because clearly this bunch of idiots from the nearby village were not organized and wildly disobedient.\u00a0 However this could have been a ruse as later review of the surveillance video revealed a grifter, originally from the western part of the country, nicknamed for one half of a cartoon character duo, slipping away and boldly sneaking into the administrative area of the prison.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After what could be considered the planning meeting, the band of criminals slowly moved to an area of the yard near the wall.\u00a0 They started participating in some type of activity that could only be described as maybe jazzercise or pilates with lots of jumping and clapping.\u00a0 The disorganization was rampant.\u00a0 This was especially evident when the fizzy malt beverage from the mid-90s shouted instructions and a very sour man responded with loud, disrespectfully defiant \u201cNO\u201d and declined to join the rest of the group.\u00a0 His file said that he\u2019s not right in the head due to his formative years when, as a baby, his mother used to put a little too much bourbon on his gums or in his bottle when he was teething.\u00a0 A soon-to-be-deported, well built, member of the Polish mafia was heard muttering incoherently in a heavy Slavic accent.\u00a0 Linguistic experts are attempting to decipher these messages as they could lead to further clues of the gang\u2019s plans.\u00a0 An elderly jailbird, who received federal funding to get a bionic knee implanted, often asked the younger inmates if they even knew what life was like in prison.\u00a0 Obviously content to finish out his golden years behind bars, he still aided the young whippersnappers with an incomprehensible, ecstatic, youthful smile on his face.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think he knew what was going on.\u00a0 Senility must be nice.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Later investigation by the Bureau of Prisons showed that the inmates were actually removing blocks from the wall during the obviously designed to be distracting \u201cexercises\u201d.\u00a0 When free time was over, the inmates were sent to special cells in the discipline center.\u00a0 Moving quite laboriously on the journey (again, it was later determined that they had concealed the cinder blocks on their persons the entire time), they appeared restless when they got there and convulsed in odd looking motions involving their abdomens.\u00a0 The chaotic discombobulation of exercise form and cinder block carrying methods was meant to mislead the \u2018eye in the sky\u2019.\u00a0 Video analysis showed some had multiple blocks, some had only a single, a few toted around the smaller version, and the true degenerates openly dissented and risked carrying none.\u00a0 The strategy clearly worked as a tatt\u2019ed up bald leader of a biker gang often had trouble concealing his massive guns under his prison garb, but that weaponry went unnoticed by the guards.\u00a0 This beast of a man was in and out of juvie most of his young life, committing his first felony when he stole his little brother\u2019s tricycle.\u00a0 His antics were definitely not getting him any time off for good behavior.\u00a0 Neither was the other member of the geriatic club who has yet to learn the fallacy of loose lips.\u00a0 His medical records were lost in the prison transfer, but it\u2019s safe to say that his true age is nowhere near what he claims as nobody so advanced in years should be able to work that hard.\u00a0 However, since he\u2019s on the wrong side of the line, it\u2019s a wonder he hasn\u2019t been shanked in the shower.\u00a0 He needs to learn from the newest man to reach the 4 full decades of life club, the silent assassin under the floor.\u00a0 He was on the opposite end of the behavior spectrum and was a true team player as he completed his necessary tasks while refusing to complain.\u00a0 Other than the escape attempt, which he might have been emotionally headlocked into, he\u2019s quite the model prisoner.\u00a0 His case should be studied further to figure out if he was wrongfully convicted.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

This pattern of free time and cell swapping continued for close to an hour while the precursor to Truly and White Claw barked highly encouraging, and in no way detrimental, remarks to the other prisoners.\u00a0 He has true leadership qualities.\u00a0 A weak point of the guard shift change was highlighted when some of the inmates were seen sprinting back and forth to the cells to grab U.S.-manufactured hammers, clearly used to chip away at the blocks.\u00a0 A man jailed for impersonating a dutch master (and even sometimes insultingly calling himself \u201cThe Warden\u201d) was seen running point on many of the operations.\u00a0 Perhaps there was some type of PEDs in his paint set because the labor camp aspect of the plan did not seem to affect him in the slightest bit. Although initially thought of as the hired muscle, as one passing guard pointed out, everyone else had cinder blocks while he shamefully had not one.\u00a0 That could have been the reason he was moving so quickly.\u00a0 It does not explain how the floating coronavirus laboratory was always so close on his heels though.\u00a0 Never far behind, that dude wanted the escape to be over quickly.\u00a0 Using Maxar satellite imagery, the wall was seen to be slowly diminishing, but apparently not quickly enough for one brightly colored, large feathered bird who used his inhuman leaping ability to bound over the wall well before the operation was complete, leaving behind the rest of the group.\u00a0 I guess there is no honor among thieves.\u00a0 He has yet to be recaptured.\u00a0 The PDF-maker who was incarcerated for forgery broke through the tightly guard-controlled messaging system and organized a propaganda campaign.\u00a0 Leaflets found littered throughout the city exposed the information that the meetup for this cult will take place in two weeks at a public park in the next town over.\u00a0 Authorities will be on hand with K-9s and shotguns.\u00a0 One inanimate collision victim whose disguise is fooling no one is the wannabe drag queen, who if memory serves correctly, is doing time for playing with too many blowup dolls.\u00a0 His svelte physique betrays his strategy of altering his manly appearance with lady-like flowing locks of hair to hide in plain sight.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After all of the hard work, the wall came crashing down.\u00a0 The inmates quickly gathered together for apparently a quick goodbye ceremony in Fight Club-like fashion revealing biographic information, announcing future plans, and even listening to some type of sermon.\u00a0 Then they rapidly dispersed in different directions relishing in their freedom.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Village Marshalls have been called in to lead the capture efforts of the escaped inmates.\u00a0 In the meantime, be safe, shelter in place, lock your doors, and don\u2019t talk to any strange men with three Fs prison insignia espousing some cult-like rhetoric of working out, finding friends, and believing in some higher calling.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

ANNOUNCEMENTS:<\/b><\/p>\n