{"id":16524,"date":"2021-07-07T16:52:18","date_gmt":"2021-07-07T20:52:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/?p=16524"},"modified":"2021-07-07T16:52:18","modified_gmt":"2021-07-07T20:52:18","slug":"if-it-werent-for-those-meddling-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/2021\/07\/if-it-werent-for-those-meddling-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"If it weren’t for those Meddling Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Date: 3-July-2021<\/span><\/p>\n

Location: Convergence, Hanes Park<\/span><\/p>\n

The PAX: <\/b>Drip (Master Q)**, Zima (Apprentice Q) *<\/span><\/p>\n

* Composed by Zima pretending to be Drip<\/span><\/p>\n

** Edits by Drip are italics<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

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Hi, my name is Drip.\u00a0 And I am a giant jerkwad, but you already knew that.\u00a0 To prove the point, I let Zima co-Q with me for a Convergence.\u00a0 That annoying diminutive garden gnome begged and begged and begged to Q, but there was no way I was going to subject the PAX to an entire hour of his incessant mockery of proper cadence.\u00a0 I may say nasty things about you behind your back and give you an overcompensating smile, but I\u2019m not that much of a monster. <\/span>(Really Zima\u2026.I was just joking around with Van Gogh when I said that about your form.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t supposed to tell you.) <\/span><\/em>\u00a0On the other hand, I actually wanted people to show up at the workout so I deviously withheld his name from the Q calendar in order to increase attendance so it wouldn\u2019t just be the two of us staring at each other for 60 minutes in a parking lot. <\/span>True<\/em>.<\/span> The plan was going well, however, he outwitted me and brought those tiny trolls that seem to follow him around.\u00a0 Hopefully the ridiculously cute kids would occupy him for long enough so we could get down to our real business of accomplishing all 3 Fs and not constantly get yelled at by a guy with a Napoleon complex.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Anyway, let\u2019s get this show started.\u00a0 Even though I am a master at my highly regarded, monumentally important, and incredibly stressful profession,<\/span>(a fair amount of exaggeration here Zima)<\/span><\/em> but of when faced with twenty-some bleary-eyed, yawning, possibly hung over, distracted, regular guys that I see almost every gloom, I inexplicably egregiously botched the super simple F3 Mission Statement.\u00a0 It\u2019s almost like it was my VQ and I\u2019d never recited it before.\u00a0 I let the pressure get to me.\u00a0 I floundered.\u00a0 I flopped.\u00a0 I Q-failed right off the bat. <\/span>\u00a0(All very true)<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

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WARM-O-RAMA.<\/b><\/p>\n

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Not fully in the right headspace from my flummoxed Mission Statement, I forgot to use inflection on the <\/span>Side Straddle Hops<\/b> so the PAX went all Energizer Bunny and kept going and going and going.\u00a0 Eventually my geriatric brain kicked in and I remembered that I was the Q and stopped at 50.\u00a0 Hopefully everyone bought the line of BS that I threw out about doing 50 reps for the 50 states. (<\/span>Dude, you got in 100 SSHs!)<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

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Then I wasted more time and did some FiA stretches. <\/span>(OK, that is pretty funny Zima…I\u2019ll give you that one)<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

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The parking lot got boring so we headed over to the open softball field in order to spread out and continue stretching.\u00a0 Bad idea.\u00a0 Bad freaking idea.\u00a0 My fault.\u00a0 I told Zima to bring water guns for the kids to add a little flair.\u00a0 In retrospect, that wasn\u2019t my finest moment.\u00a0 But the tiny people seem to have fun and I could tell by the looks on the PAX faces that they really enjoyed it too.\u00a0 My idea.\u00a0 All my idea.\u00a0 Honest.<\/span><\/p>\n

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This is the point where the Sleeveless Wonder rudely interrupted me with those body convulsions that he calls Imperial Stormtroopers.\u00a0 He mumbled something along the lines of, \u201cThis is what everyone came here to see,\u201d but I, along with everyone else, wasn\u2019t listening.\u00a0 Why can\u2019t he go at a snail\u2019s pace and barely even move his arms and legs like everyone else?\u00a0 Why?<\/span><\/p>\n

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Enough of this horse dung.\u00a0 Over to Education Hill.<\/span><\/p>\n

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BEATDOWN.<\/b><\/p>\n

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Just like George Washington crossing the Delaware, <\/span>(I like how you incorporated the July 4th Holiday\u2026.nice touch)<\/span><\/em> we braved a crossing of Silas Creek (over the well-built man-made bridge) and arrived at the foothills of Education Hill.<\/span><\/p>\n

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The idea was a <\/span>Double Dora Grinder<\/span><\/i>.\u00a0 There were two stations.\u00a0 One at the top of Education Hill and one at the bottom all the way across the field.\u00a0 In teams of three, each team must complete 200 reps of each exercise at the bottom and 200 of each exercise at the top.\u00a0 The bottom station exercises were: <\/span>Jump Squats<\/b>, <\/span>Iron Mikes<\/b>, and <\/span>Reverse Lunges<\/b>.\u00a0 The top station exercises were: <\/span>Hand Release Merkins<\/b>, <\/span>Mountain Climbers<\/b>, and <\/span>Carolina Dry Docks<\/b>.\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure why I expected anything different from this crew, but form and counting were both used extremely liberally.\u00a0 Sheesh.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know why I even workout with you people!<\/span><\/p>\n

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Oh wait, we needed to give the 2.0s something to do.\u00a0 By now, the mini-Zimas had recruited the other offspring to build an almost formidable force.\u00a0 While the team member in each group was running between stations, if a 2.0 tagged him, he was to immediately do <\/span>3 Burpees<\/b>.\u00a0 This twist was designed to encourage a little giddyup during the run (yeah, you know who you are) and maybe some Burpee-ing as well to increase fitness.\u00a0 Sadly, the kids were distracted by the aforementioned water guns and the PAX decided to \u201crun outside the baseline\u201d instead of through the gauntlet, so well \u2026 the best laid schemes o\u2019 mice an\u2019 men \u2026\u00a0 It looked good on paper anyway.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Since the train was starting to come off the tracks, we got off at Omaha (see what I did there?).\u00a0 The PAX made their way over to the hidden pocket park for some abdominal work.\u00a0 We did 6 ab exercises: <\/span>Crunchy Frogs<\/b>, <\/span>Heels to Heaven<\/b>, <\/span>Gas Pumps<\/b>, <\/span>WWIIs<\/b>, <\/span>LBCs<\/b>, and <\/span>Box Cutters<\/b>.\u00a0 All of them were 25 reps in cadence.\u00a0 Again we incorporated the kids.\u00a0 While I explained the rules to the PAX, who the hell knows what Zima explained to his kids because they clearly didn\u2019t follow directions.\u00a0 They were supposed to play Duck Duck Goose with some kind of Burpee penalty for the PAX if they couldn\u2019t catch a 6 year old.\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure if there was more cheating by the kids or the PAX, but that\u2019s certainly not how I learned to play Duck Duck Goose when I was in grade school back in 1927.\u00a0 Anyway, we mixed in a few <\/span>Burpees<\/b> in between the abs, mostly to give the core a break.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Finally, – and this was all Zima\u2019s idea, so don\u2019t blame me – we headed over to the playground.\u00a0 Perhaps the kids mutinied and ran to the swings (because that\u2019s what kids do) and being the good parents that we are, we just blindly followed them.\u00a0 Once there, Zima went to a dark place and employed a fun little piece of a workout that he picked up down range.\u00a0 It was called Rapid Fire.\u00a0 25 fast reps of <\/span>Derkins<\/b>, <\/span>Right Leg Pulse Lunges<\/b>, <\/span>Irkins<\/b>, <\/span>Left Leg Pulse Lunges<\/b>, and <\/span>Dips.\u00a0 <\/b>Then 20, then 15, then 10, then 5.\u00a0 No rest.\u00a0 No stopping.\u00a0 I\u2019m not even going to pretend that it was a crowd pleaser.\u00a0 I doubt that anyone, other than my soon-to-be-fired co-Q, enjoyed it.\u00a0 It was so miserable that we ALL QUIT before the workout was over and left Zima to finish by himself.\u00a0 Hey, if you don\u2019t like doing the exercise, just quit.\u00a0 Right?\u00a0 Which core principle is that again?\u00a0 I think Zima was probably OK with us doing that.\u00a0 He seemed pleasantly fine as we walked away.<\/span> (Zima, I promise I would have come back to get you after the COT.)<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

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DONE.\u00a0 Thank Goodness.<\/b><\/p>\n

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ANNOUNCEMENTS:<\/b><\/p>\n