{"id":11387,"date":"2020-01-23T17:24:47","date_gmt":"2020-01-23T21:24:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/?p=11387"},"modified":"2020-01-23T19:05:15","modified_gmt":"2020-01-23T23:05:15","slug":"club-vandersexxx","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/2020\/01\/club-vandersexxx\/","title":{"rendered":"CLUB VANDERSEXXX"},"content":{"rendered":"

Introduction<\/b><\/p>\n

The PAX were forewarned that a safeword would be needed this morning.\u00a0 If you do not understand why (and want to kill some time at work), search for \u201cClub Vandersexxx\u201d on YouTube.\u00a0 Safewords are important. In fact, you should watch the entire motion picture now. Go ahead, I\u2019ll wait. It\u2019s from the movie Europtrip, #3 on AFI\u2019s all-time greatest cinematic films.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Anyway, YHC decided that we would play a game today.\u00a0 Well, maybe not a game, but at least there would be a lot of strategy involved.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Rules:<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Game play<\/b><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. A member of the PAX selects a wooden token from the brown paper sac and reads the exercise printed on it.\u00a0 The PAX then proceed to perform that exercise OYO, with the number of reps increasing by at least one from the previous exercise.<\/span><\/em><\/li>\n
  2. Once the target number has been reached, any member of the PAX can yell out the safeword and the number he completed.\u00a0 That becomes the new target and everyone must finish at least that number.<\/span><\/em><\/li>\n
  3. Once the exercise is complete, run a lap (about 0.2 miles) and do Mountain Climbers for the six.<\/span><\/em><\/li>\n
  4. Repeat until 6:15 am.<\/span><\/em><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

     <\/p>\n

    Bonus<\/b><\/p>\n

      \n
    • There are 3 RESET tokens in the sac that reset the target number to 1.<\/span><\/em><\/li>\n
    • At any point, if the PAX desire not to do the target number of reps for the corresponding exercise, one of the group may yell \u201cOmaha\u201d.\u00a0 That exercise may be skipped, but the cost is 10 Burpees for the PAX. This special power may only be used once per workout per PAX member.<\/span><\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

       <\/p>\n

      Beatdown.<\/b><\/p>\n

      4:00:00<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Alarm goes off.\u00a0 YHC immediately hits the Snooze button and falls back asleep.<\/span><\/p>\n

      4:05:00<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Alarm goes off again.\u00a0 YHC spryly hops out of bed (not even remotely true).\u00a0 Puppy gives YHC a pissed off look having been awoken.<\/span><\/p>\n

      4:06:00<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>YHC turns on the recorded version of the Wake basketball game from the night before and starts warmup stretching.\u00a0 If you\u2019re wondering why oh why oh why oh why the f&*k I willingly chose to watch the game, well, I don\u2019t have a reasonable answer.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:03:15<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Check weather app.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:03:39<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Check weather app.\u00a0 Forecast hasn\u2019t changed.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:04:14<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Check weather app.\u00a0 Forecast still hasn\u2019t changed.\u00a0 Time to get geared up and gather supplies.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:06:36<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Kiss the pup goodbye.\u00a0 Get a disinterested (\u201cI\u2019m trying to sleep\u201d) look in return.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:07:03<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Head out the door for the long commute to New Mayhem.\u00a0 Check the phone to see which way Waze will reroute me.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:08:48<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Wave to the creepy, beady eyes staring at me from the woods as I run by.\u00a0 They look angry and scary in the darkness. Probably family members of the deer that Van Gogh hit yesterday.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:10:56<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Breathe in diesel fumes from the bus lot.\u00a0 Feeling a little woozy. Hope I make it to the launch spot.\u00a0 Thanks Waze.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:11:23<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Crap!\u00a0 Jump off the road and out of the way of a bus speeding out of the lot.\u00a0 What was that license plate number? Reminder: Wear a reflective vest when coming to New Mayhem now.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:12:16<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Ummm, why in the world is there a police cruiser sitting in the middle of the Jamison Park parking lot?\u00a0 What the hell is going on? What did I do now? Did Turnover order some private security? No matter. I clearly don\u2019t look threatening wearing a hoodie, carrying a random bag, escaping in the dark towards the pitch black greenway.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:13:07<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Maybe I should set up a little further away from the police car.\u00a0 Give a non-menacing wave as I run by. Huh, is that guy even awake?<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:14:58<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Set up music.\u00a0 Look around for Splash.\u00a0 Nope, he\u2019s not here. Don\u2019t play \u201cTime After Time\u201d just yet.\u00a0 Use the well-received #IronPAXChallenge playlist.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:19:11<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Pull up the hoodie, throw on some gloves, and select a rock from the drainage ditch.\u00a0 Surely the friendly police officer won\u2019t have a problem with this at all. He clearly understands that I have a legitimate use for this rock.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:21:45<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Two vehicles pull into the parking lot.\u00a0 Nobody emerges.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:23:36<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>More cars arrive, but still nobody gets out.\u00a0 Don\u2019t they see me here lonely standing by myself talking to a rock?\u00a0 Why won\u2019t anyone join me? Wait, did I just answer my own question?<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:24:01<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Screw it.\u00a0 I\u2019m not standing here alone.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to do a test run of the lap around the parking islands.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:25:44<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>About 1 minute and 45 seconds at a comfortable pace.\u00a0 The PAX should enjoy that. Time for rest and good conversation.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:26:24<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Turnover, Huckleberry, Offsides (note: he did not run in after his death-defying feat a few weeks ago), and High Cotton are finally brave enough to walk over to me.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:27:34<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Huck is worried about the size of YHC\u2019s \u2026 rock.\u00a0 He says it\u2019s small.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:27:38<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Splash joins us and informs us that he\u2019s getting a pebble.\u00a0 Quelle surprise!<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:27:46<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>The Q tells the PAX they can select a rock.\u00a0 Nobody moves.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:27:50<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Turnover arrives.\u00a0 Offsides is mumbling something stupid about it being his time and he\u2019s not going to do what the Q says yet.\u00a0 Honestly, I wasn\u2019t really listening.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:28:12<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>The Q again informs the PAX that they are free to go select a rock.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:28:17<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Drama Queen and Red Eye arrive.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:28:40<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Huckleberry whines about the temperature of his rock.\u00a0 YHC chose to decline the offer of warming up his \u2026 rocks.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:29:00<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Burlap arrives.\u00a0 Thanks goodness.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:29:03<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>The PAX are again rock shaming the Q for the size of his rock.\u00a0 Come on guys, rock bullying isn\u2019t nice.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:29:11<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>YHC mentions that we\u2019ll be playing a game and that we\u2019ll need a safeword.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:29:14<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>YHC asks for a safeword.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:29:14.2<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Splash: \u201cBananas\u201d.\u00a0 OK, that was a little too quick.\u00a0 TOO SOON! WTF Splash? YHC will now skip the next portion of the conversation to protect the young readers.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:29:18<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Splash (trying to redeem himself): \u201cI, uh, uh mean, what\u2019s a safeword\u201d.\u00a0 Too late buddy. Too late.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:29:23<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Van Gogh arrives.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:29:28<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>The PAX take another shot at the size of the Q\u2019s rock.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:30:00<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>YHC, as the Q-for-the-day, welcomes the crew to New Mayhem.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:30:55<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>The PAX are weirdly still infatuated with YHC\u2019s rock and obviously not listening to the beatdown\/game instructions.\u00a0 A bunch of damn gabby school girls. That\u2019s what they are.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:31:03<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>YHC tells the PAX that all warmup exercises (SSH, Hillbillies, Abe Vigodas, Michael Phelps) will be OYO while he explains the rules of the game \u2026 fast forward.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:31:05<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Splash yells \u201cBananas\u201d.\u00a0 OK buddy. We really need to talk.\u00a0 Maybe you should see someone who is licensed to help you.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:34:03<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Lots of strategy discussion already.\u00a0 Although, YHC believes it is mostly centered around how to do the least number of burpees.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:34:50<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>DQ chooses \u2026, wait for it, \u2026. yup, \u2026. keep waiting, \u2026. <\/span>Hand Release Burpees<\/b>.\u00a0 I\u2019m not kidding!<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:35:23<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Someone yells \u201cBananas\u201d at only 5 reps.\u00a0 Off we go for the run.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:37:10<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Mountain Climbers for the six.\u00a0 And \u2026 ironically, Van Gogh picks \u2026 <\/span>Mountain Climbers<\/b>.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:37:29<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Someone yells \u201cBananas\u201d at 12 reps.\u00a0 So much for going up by 1 rep at a time.\u00a0 This could get out of hand and ugly very quickly.\u00a0 Off we go for the run.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:37:39<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Why is the cop still here and what exactly is he thinking while watching us?<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:39:18<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Mountain Climbers for the six.\u00a0 Turnover chooses <\/span>Wide Merkins<\/b>.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:39:48<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Splash calls \u201cBananas\u201d at 15 reps.\u00a0 Strange. Everyone else is only at 5.\u00a0 How did Splash do them so fast? Off we go for the run.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:39:50<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Burlaps is very concerned about the tunes.\u00a0 I guess he\u2019s a big fan of Billie Jean.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:40:36<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>The PAX are all loudly hypothesizing about possible strategic situations, however, not all have the same goals.\u00a0 Some want to minimize certain exercises, while others want to minimize the running. Hmm, will my plan work? Will the PAX turn on each other and end up fighting to the death?\u00a0 And what is the cop doing in his car right now?<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:41:49<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Mountain Climbers for the six.\u00a0 Splash excitedly picks a token and proclaims <\/span>Pickle Pounders<\/b>.\u00a0 Obviously this is the moment the cop is waiting for and we\u2019re all about to be arrested in a public park, feet away from a school.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:42:07<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>WTF?!\u00a0 Mr. Stamina, otherwise known as Offsides, calls \u201cBananas\u201d at 16 reps in Guinness Book of World Record time.\u00a0 He\u2019s certainly efficient. His wife must be a lucky woman. While he leaves for the run, the rest of us finish the 12 reps we have left.\u00a0 Off we go for the run.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:42:08<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Pickle Pounder comments redacted for PG viewing.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:42:09<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Pickle Pounder comments redacted for PG viewing.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:42:10<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Pickle Pounder comments redacted for PG viewing.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:42:11<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Pickle Pounder comments redacted for PG viewing.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:44:02<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Mountain Climbers for the six.\u00a0 Someone chooses <\/span>Spider Merkins<\/b>.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:45:26<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Van Gogh calls \u201cBananas\u201d at 20 reps.\u00a0 Off we go for the run.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:46:00<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>YHC tries to curry favor with the PAX by letting them know he decided to Omaha the use of the Hill to Nowhere for the run.\u00a0 The tactic doesn\u2019t work as he only gets sneers.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:48:06<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Mountain Climbers for the six.\u00a0 Van Gogh happily calls <\/span>WWIIs<\/b>.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:45:26<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>High Cotton (I think) calls \u201cBananas\u201d at 21 reps.\u00a0 Off we go for the run.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:46:13<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>YHC commits the workout cardinal sin and looks at his watch.\u00a0 \u201cWhat the hell??? This is going to be a long workout.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:50:31<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Mountain Climbers for the six.\u00a0 Someone chooses <\/span>Mary Katherines<\/b>.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:50:32<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Turnover surprisingly questions the wisdom of doing double count \u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:51:24<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u2026 then unsurprisingly calls \u201cBananas\u201d at 24 reps, way ahead of everyone else.\u00a0 YHC still has about 10 more to go. Oh boy. Off we go for the run (and I use that term loosely).\u00a0 Have you ever tried running after Mary Katherines?<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:52:17<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>YHC is confused with the conversation about Meadowlark Elementary School traffic patterns and the hope that Jamison Park provides more \u201cfavorable winds\u201d.\u00a0 I\u2019ve never had any problems leaving the AO. What are you guys talking about?<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:53:24<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Why is YHC the only one doing Mountain Climbers for the six?\u00a0 Burlap chooses <\/span>Lunge Walks<\/b>.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:53:25<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I think Red Eye has decided to lunge walk home.\u00a0 He\u2019s headed back in the direction of Brookberry.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:54:50<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Burlap, not a fan of Eminem, speedily lunge walks away from the speaker, his gums flapping something unintelligible about the music the young whippersnappers are listening to nowadays.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:54:54<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Burlap calls \u201cBananas\u201d at 25 reps.\u00a0 Coincidence? Off we go for the run.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:55:32<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>A couple of the PAX are wondering out loud if it\u2019s time to use their coveted Omahas.\u00a0 What\u2019s worse – 10 burpees or 25 lunge walks?<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:55:58<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Van Gogh, ever the politician, is attempting to solicit support for a potential filibuster, by convincing the PAX that the next time an easy ab exercise comes up, they should just continue doing it until the end of the workout.\u00a0 Did YHC forget to mention his Red Line Veto Power? Oops, my bad.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:56:01<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>The discussion turned to why my chip or token sac was a brown paper bag rather than a burlap sack or leather sack.\u00a0 Then, and I shit you not, Offsides decides to enlighten us with his knowledge of where to buy bull scrotums. I cannot make this stuff up.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:56:54<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Why is YHC the only one doing Mountain Climbers for the six?\u00a0 Burlap chooses <\/span>Imperial Storm Troopers<\/b>.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:56:55<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Here we go.\u00a0 Let the comments fly.\u00a0 Bring \u2018em on boys. Sheesh.\u00a0 Everyone feel good about themselves now?\u00a0 We\u2019d be here all day if I typed everything those jabronis at amateur hour threw at me regarding ISTs.\u00a0 Don\u2019t be jealous ladies. Try to keep up!<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:58:17<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>The Krispy Kreme Hot Now sign must have lit up because Officer Friendly peeled out of the parking lot.\u00a0 No goodbyes. No nothing.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:58:27<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Splash yells \u201cBananas\u201d at 30 reps.\u00a0 What a shame. YHC missed the opportunity to call it at 45.\u00a0 Off we go for the run.<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:58:58<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Red Eye says something mean to YHC.\u00a0 I just want that in print. Mark down the date and time.\u00a0 Why Red Eye? Why?<\/span><\/p>\n

      5:59:40<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Uh oh.\u00a0 YHC can hear some of the frontrunners plotting another coup d\u2019etat up ahead.\u00a0 Shit. Not again.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:00:15<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Nobody else is doing Mountain Climbers now.\u00a0 At least some of them are running back for the six though.\u00a0 I guess that\u2019s OK. Turnover encourages YHC to keep going, as he uh uh uh, stands and watches.\u00a0 Thanks pal. Someone chooses <\/span>Plank Jacks<\/b>.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:01:21<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>High Cotton yells \u201cBananas\u201d at 32 reps.\u00a0 At least 10 seconds of time wasting as the Meadowlark Mensa Chapter debates the difference between single and double count Plank Jacks.\u00a0 Off we eventually go for the run.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:03:07<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>How is it possible that we haven\u2019t pulled a single token with a rock exercise on it yet?\u00a0 I\u2019m going to have to check the bag later. Are those a-holes cheating? Did they throw out the rock exercises?<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:03:11<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I guess the PAX have decided to do the vertical standing around version of Mountain Climbers for the six.\u00a0 Someone selects <\/span>Freddie Mercuries<\/b>.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:04:16<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>DQ yells \u201cBananas\u201d at 35 reps.\u00a0 Much discussion ensued as a contingent of PAX were displeased because they had already done more than 40.\u00a0 Should\u2019ve called it, bro. #MissedOpportunity #OverAchievers. Van Gogh claims he was shooting for 70. Off we go for the run.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:04:48<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Alliances are forming.\u00a0 Coalitions are gelling. Deals are being brokered.\u00a0 The game is afoot. Omahas are openly being discussed.\u00a0 I sense a Boardwalk for Baltic Avenue, Marvin Gardens, and all 4 Railroads trade coming soon.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:03:06<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>You know what?\u00a0 We haven\u2019t gotten any RESETs either.\u00a0 YHC may need to rethink these rules.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:07:14<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Maybe the PAX though MC was for mumblechatter and not Mountain Climbers because there ain\u2019t no mountain climbing going on.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:07:19<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Someone, maybe Huck, is blatantly trying to waste time by methodically asking each person if it is his turn to pick.\u00a0 Yada yada. Just reach into the freaking bag yourself!!!!<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:07:26<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>The Q is pelted with a chorus of questions – and rightly so – about the rocks that have been sitting next to us untouched for almost 40 minutes.\u00a0 The Q has not words for a proper response.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:07:30<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Someone finally chooses <\/span>Mike Tysons.<\/b>\u00a0 The PAX decide to painstakingly and carefully choose where they would like to perform the exercise.\u00a0 #TimeWaster.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:07:39<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Faced with the prospect of doing at least 36 Mike Tysons, Burlap sagely uses his Omaha.\u00a0 The PAX happily perform <\/span>10 Burpees<\/b>.\u00a0 Thanks Burlap, but do you think you could have said that BEFORE I started the Mike Tysons?!<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:07:50<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Huckleberry finishes his Burpees \u2026 and waits \u2026 and waits \u2026 and waits …<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:08:24<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>The rest of the PAX finish their Burpees.\u00a0 Off we go on the run.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:11:37<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>NOT Mountain Climbers for the six.\u00a0 Do you guys cheat this much during Family Game Night too?\u00a0 Someone chooses <\/span>Full Extension Crunches<\/b>.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:12:12<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>YHC finally gets into the game and yells \u201cBananas\u201d at 38 reps to preserve time.\u00a0 Off we go for a run.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:12:20<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Van Gogh proclaims his proposed strategy of calling Omaha 1 to 2 reps before the target number so the PAX are forced to almost complete the exercise and THEN do 10 Burpees.\u00a0 What kind of sadistic jerk would do that?<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:13:50<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>No need to document what the PAX AREN\u2019T doing.\u00a0 I think the dear reader knows by now. YHC hustles over and chooses <\/span>Ranger Merkins.<\/b>\u00a0 #TimeIsRunningOut.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:13:52<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>YHC announces that 39 Ranger Merkins will finish it out.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:13:55<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>No (whoever the hell just said that), we\u2019re not playing F\u2019ing UNO.\u00a0 Shut your mouth and do your stupid Ranger Merkins!!!<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:14:23<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m not sure where all of the novice astronomers came from, but they\u2019re trying to convince the Q that time is up.\u00a0 Are they using the position of the sun to determine when it\u2019s exactly 6:15? The Q holds steadfast that there is still time left.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:14:41<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Some colossal jerk (read: YHC) calls Omaha after roughly 30 Ranger Merkins.\u00a0 <\/span>10 Burpees<\/b> for the PAX.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:14:42<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s amazing how much modification is occurring with only 18 seconds left.\u00a0 #FinishStrong.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:15:01<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>The Q decides to end the beatdown before the PAX finally put those cold rocks to some worthwhile use.<\/span><\/p>\n

       <\/p>\n

      Announcements \/ Prayers.<\/b><\/p>\n

      6:15:04<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>A preponderance of appropriate complaining about having to get the rocks pre-beatdown.\u00a0 Everyone chimed in with their thoughts, but kindly returned the pebbles to their homes.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:15:08<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>High Cotton has had enough of the shenanigans and leaves \u2026 rather quickly, I might add.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:15:26<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cThat was awesome, man.\u201d – Turnover<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:15:27<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>The Q explains there were about 60 possible exercises in the sac so we barely scratched the surface.\u00a0 Other PAX chimed in with ideas to do it again at an hour long beatdown. The Q duly noted the suggestion.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:16:16<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Of course Van Gogh doesn\u2019t believe YHC about the RESETs so he checks the sac and, lo and behold, the very next token he chooses is a RESET.\u00a0 Now that\u2019s ironic!<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:16:36<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Count-o-rama.\u00a0 10 PAX, including the Q.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:16:50<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Someone puts all the tokens back in the bag.\u00a0 The rest of the PAX wonder how boring the backblast will be since Zima won\u2019t know which exercises we did.\u00a0 DQ feels no sympathy.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:16:52<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>High Cotton.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:16:53<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Tim Sechrest, 56, Burlap.\u00a0 Respect.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:16:55<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Eric Sweet, 33, Turnover.\u00a0 Hate.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:16:57<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>David Ratcliffe, 58, Drama Queen.\u00a0 Respect<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:16:59<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Brian Peacock, 37, Huckleberry.\u00a0 Hate.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:17:01<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Adam Carlson, 35, Van Gogh.\u00a0 Hate.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:17:03<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Jon Fuller, 44, Red Eye.\u00a0 Aye<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:17:05<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Tim Pardee, 50, Splash.\u00a0 Respect.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:17:07<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Doug Stewart, 53, Offsides.\u00a0 Respect.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:17:09<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Ryan Scholl, 41, ZIMA.\u00a0 Super, wonderful, great, love, T-Claps, brilliant, outstanding, fantastic, yippee, cheers.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:17:14<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>YHC is asked to document that I am wearing pants AND sleeves.\u00a0 There is also some concern about the length of my socks, but I put the PAX at ease and told them they were cut-offs.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:17:45<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Announcement: There\u2019s a \u201ctake a meal thing\u201d out there on the Internet for Sac\u2019s family who is welcoming a new baby.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:17:52<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Prayer: $5 Footlong\u2019s dad.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:18:52<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Prayer: DQ\u2019s brother\u2019s family.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:18:58<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Prayer: Drip\u2019s family.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:19:28<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Announcement: Van Gogh has his much-anticipated Sexual Chocolate themed beatdown at Impossible Situation with breakfast and brews to follow at Footnote.\u00a0 According to VG, going to Purgatory does not exclude you from being able to attend the breakfast and brews 2nd F. Sorry CFT, he doesn\u2019t make the same deal with you guys.\u00a0 Why the hate for #WeFoCo, VG?<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:19:38<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Announcement: Offsides needs Qs for Purgatory.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:20:28<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>YHC takes us out.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:22:07<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>The PAX just can\u2019t get enough.\u00a0 They actually request to play the game again, with most supporting doing it at an hour long workout.\u00a0 Of course, there are a few rule modifications suggested, but YHC somehow forgets those, except the one involving beer.\u00a0 Hmmmm.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:24:11<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Eschewing the multitude of offers for a ride home because of YHC\u2019s newly-extended commute, YHC departs the AO and hopes all of the PAX in their warm cozy cars appreciate YHC\u2019s extreme sacrifice of acquiescing to the location change and running a further distance in the frigid temperatures.<\/span><\/p>\n

      6:26:18<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>YHC brings the keys back to the old launch spot.\u00a0 You can pick them up there, Turnover.<\/span><\/p>\n

       <\/p>\n

      Apologies for missing some comments or misstating some or even misattributing them.\u00a0 At times, my memory recall wasn\u2019t perfect. And some of you were so far away from me that I couldn\u2019t discern the clearly complimentary statements sent in my direction.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

       <\/p>\n

      Zima out.\u00a0 Eerie silence.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Introduction The PAX were forewarned that a safeword would be needed this morning.\u00a0 If you do not understand why (and want to kill some time at work), search for \u201cClub Vandersexxx\u201d on YouTube.\u00a0 Safewords are important. In fact, you should watch the entire motion picture now. Go ahead, I\u2019ll wait. It\u2019s from the movie Europtrip, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":200,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[83],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11387","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mayhem"],"acf":{"q":"Zima","date":"January 22, 2020","pax":"High Cotton, Offsides, Huckleberry, Turnover (WB), Red Eye, Splash, Drama Queen (WD), Burlap, Van Gogh, Zima (Q)"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11387","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/200"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11387"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11387\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11395,"href":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11387\/revisions\/11395"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11387"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11387"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.f3winstonsalem.com\/f3\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11387"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}